That night God spoke to me
And asked if I were alright due to the circumstances
I told him had very little sleep recently, slyly he put his finger on my forehead
And I fell asleep an slept for almost six hours
After that another day brook the night and I realized that some of burdens had been lifted from my shoulders
Some but not all


I try to bread 
It is difficult
Do I have do this
All my life has been
filled with fear
Fear of failing, fear of not being accepted 
and here I am

Have to master
Have to be sure
Have to be something
Have to

And again
the wave of aging 
of changing
shape and posture
status and rank
Yesterday I met my
He were older to
and in the bookshop
our foreign minister
stood and read biographies 
of past politicians 
I greeted him because
life is sometimes better
when one takes


I am a schemer 
that is my 

Rotten by heart
some people
would say

Nothing surprises me 
But useful
I am 


Slowly the poison 
is finally kicking in
And I am going
to see the world in a 
different light.
What we give is facts
and new hope


I do not know what to do
I do not know what to say
I do not know how to be
I live 
I have no answers
to your questions