Lost in space

The pain is following me
I do not fear the pain
I am so used to it
I do not know why
I am lost
Lost in the past
Lost in the present
Lost in the future
Leaving it all
To sail somewhere else

Morning

I have hard to stand on my feet
The ground shakes
I try to focus
And she is talking
about the neighbours
their plans and projects
I threw up in the zink
She doesn’t notice
Complaining eternally
About me not doing
My part
I try to stay on my legs
Keep together
She keeps talking
I dress and walk
Out the door
She is in the living room
Reading the newspaper
Not noticing that I left
My feet still carries me
On the way to the crowded
Metro
Let´s turn this day
Into a succes I tell myself
Trying to get some breakfast
We are masks that meet and sell
Fewer and fewer of us
Turns up but we pretend
As everything is OK
Smiling in contempt to one another
Smiling in frustration
Pretending that this meeting has
A meaning and a cause
At least it is some normality
Even if it is fake
We have to prepare
For what is coming
When the war comes
We will in one way or the other
Need each other
If nothing else for company and food

Cascading failure

The energy builds up
I start to do things
I do to much
The energy is gone
I fail again and again
Back to the pit
I start climb up
Again

 

Focus

The grey is even more present today
I do not see any hope
Trying to keep me awake
Which is not easy
To many things
On my mind
And no sleep
This place makes me crazy
So much pain and agony
Takes away the focus
On what is important in life

Eulogy to Wasted Years

I do not see the meaning of fighting anymore.
Why did I waste all this time
For something
So crazy
No
Now
It is all
To late to
Change my life
And I do not want
To do it all over again
But we never have any
Choice when destiny and
The lack of character tells us

Gray

Some days seems
to have been forgotten
by God and man
This is one of those days
Heavy grey clouds
Playing with us
Telling there is no hope
Not for you or anyone
We will stay forever
Slowly freezing
Your life
Turning to stone
Might be the only
Option

Spring

Now it starts all over again
The spring is short
In this part of the world
A sudden change
A little less snow
At night the winter
Returns, killing
Most of the greenery
Every year
What have learn
From all our suffering,
An endless cycle
Of repeating patterns?
Not much,
Only that the white snow
Will keep us warm

Shame

Meeting the pain
Seeing my failed
Inner self

I am trying to hide
Hide from shame
My shame is hard to carry
I lost my self
I lost my soul
And now I am climbing
Out of that hole
Acceptens is gold
But better is breaking
Patterns

Years

All these years in silence
When I hide away
Did not do anything
Stayed out of everything
And yet, the urge is so strong
Like the river in the spring
It takes you to the ocean
And there you are in the cold water
Almost naked, but alive