Absent present

Walking through the chic and slick part of the city

In every corner I meet a beggar asking for money

For drugs or house building project in Romania

Someone sleeping outside

While girls in expensive suits passing by

Pretending their own importance is

More credible than the poor lier

On the street

We are all fakes

Looking for ways to convince the world

Of our God given right to exist

God does not mind

Absent on earth as well as heaven

Having find a new project

Somewhere else

Only the stones are left

For worship tonight

The past is always present

Flowering, the past is always present

While I am leaving that old house

The place which nourished me

Once open a time

Eventually

The beauty is overgrown

By grass and small trees

That is a change

I will leave

Rubble

Producing a lot of thoughts

Running around in circles

While I being told how bad I am

In every way by the one I once loved

So dearly, the children in their own

World playing outside only their

Older brother listening,

Trying to mitigate between us

And our hateful tirades

It is me that is leaving

Seeing no hope

What so ever

I hate this life

And still being part

Makes it no

Easier

Only the sleep

Will relieve me

Eventually

Midnight

It is always a future

But not a bright one

Loss of hope

Loss of love

Loss of me

Starting to prepare

Just having to choose my exit

Record of abuse

Another infighting

evening at home

Being woken up

At ten in the evening

Again

Being told how bad I am

Again

Getting up starting to clean the home

While being told everything that is wrong with me

Again

Making the dish, Cleaning the kitchen

While being told I am not helping out

Why do you not sleep she asks

Because you wake me up! is my answer

-You fell asleep to early she tells me

Again

This has been going on for years

The same pattern

Then she is sorry again

Will behave the same way again and again

Why do I not leave, I ask myself again and again

Because I don’ t know

Maybe the kids my children is a good reason

Maybe because I lost my work

And my  faith in that I can manage to find one

Again

 

 

Bad day day

More drunk than dead

I tried to bury this Friday

In happy forgetfulness

It did not help at all

Everything got worst

No ending is sight

Just have to clean

The house drunk

No order, no structure

No wine

The silence is like a drum

Making a lot of noise

But not being heard

Still very present

When in action

It is very worrying

The ground is unstable

And every step I move

I risk falling in

Trying to keep my

Conscious awake

So at least something will remain

Grayling

The gray dag has ni color

No feeling

Just hopelessness and helplessness

The road is lost in the distance

Between here and then maybe

I wish it had been more easy

But that is never the case

And when I meet the old ladies

On the subway and in the shop

I can be certain

That it is all to late

We

Soon the darkness will pass

Just like any other day

But inside us

Other powers reside