I did not plan this
This was not my dream
Only tired reality
Options
Still the depression
Looms like a huge bird
Waiting for its pray
To come out into
The sunlight
No Plans
The Keys
I cannot go on
Anymore,
Cannot think
I lost my car key
At home
Being criticized
I felt worthless
She demanded I immediately
Find the key and another key
Lost three months ago
I feel so bad
I should not exist
I should not live
All of me is wrong
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My Song
For a long time
I tried not to get involved
Avoiding conflicts
Believing that things
Would work out anyway
They did not do that
The bad people continued
Their way
Since no one stood up against
Them life went on
And in the end
I lost my self
My will to live
My sense of living
Eating pills did not
Solve but maintained
Things as they were
So here I am alone and old
Soon gone
This is my song
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In The Darkest Hour
Life is pain
I said to myself
Just a lot of suffering
No meaning to it really
I thought
Trying to topple the grief
In my closed world
Avoiding any encouragement
To live on
Still in the middle of all that
Darkness some glimmer
Of hope lived on
And on
Keeping me alive throughout
The yearlong winter
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Circles of Destruction
I don’t know how to break this pattern
Of repetition, bad connection
No action, extremely high anxiety
I recognize it all of course
That is what I carry around
The burden that limits life
I thought there was
Solutions, some miracle doctor
Solving things by talking
After 12 years I gave that up
Losing faith and hope
Drugs did not help either
Repeating patterns of destruction
Living with destructive people
Became part of life
So here I am trapped
In my own dirt and sadness
Living the life that I never wanted
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No way
All that energy is gone
Just a low hanging fruit
A place of no hope
Only pain remain
That is life
Here and now
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Years
Trying to survive
A life without
Meaning or hope
Just years
Passing by
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Deceiving the Mind
Running on hopelessness
Running my mind like a geme
Hate this life
Love this life
No sense
In this thoughts
Suntrade
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Loss of Life
I lost my hope
My life
My longing
It is all gone now
I don’t know how to make it
Still my body is here
Trembling
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On Depression
Finding a book by the tree. Actually a quite useful book
“Depression in Context” it works with positive reinforcement
When we are trapped in a negative spiral it can be because
We do not get low levels positive reinforcement and therefore
Get stuck in feeling depressed or not even get out of the depression
Which makes us much more passive and limited. We do not get out in life
Meeting people and it becomes a circle that is much more limited then
What is needed.
Act
Schibolet 