Disruptions

I lost my life

I lost my meaning

The path disappeared

Over night,

A sort of repetitive pattern

I would show in my life

Huge contrasts and a dramatic

Breakup from past relation and meanings

Things, matter and economy became upside down

As I tried to get out of the dizziness

Finding a new way of being

It left scars in the soul

Bleeding and screaming for safety

Avoiding every risk

Making life dull and boring

And soon enough

It was time to disrupt

Again and again

Until the bitter end

That is now

Butterflies

Losing power and clout

Falling down the abyss of passivity

A cold and lonely

Road is in front of me

Still it does not matter

Because it’s just a dream

Called reality by the ignorant

Copyright Schibolet

Perspective

It is different to become older

Your perspective changes

The future becomes the past

In reality, creating a paradox

Whatever you do, knowing

That it will not result in a bright

And better future just more

Ability to carry the burden

Of being oneself

Love, My Love

Love,what is love,

A feeling, fantasy projected on someone else

Loneliness shared by two

Soon gone, fading illusions

No happiness only sorrow follow

You grieve for years only to

Realise that you actually learned

A new way to make your coffee

What a terrible price for such

A trivial knowledge

Surviving Being a Partner to a Bipolar

Living with a bipolar partner can be very traumatic. All conflicts tend to be extreme. Whatever you are doing is completely wrong. You don’t deserve any credit for anything. No matter what you have done so far is never enough.

Then after that comes the change. She is so sorry for what happened and what she has done. Then there is a slight chance that you can agree on something. This agreement she might keep or not. But the that is s good start.

Once this pattern has repeated itself enough often. One start to adapt and create strategies for handling it. Eventually however it gets you and you can give up talking about your needs since they are not acceptable if he/ she does not feel well or is frustrated for one reason or another. It can be a family quarrel with a mother or something at work. You will have to carry the burden of that by being the target of aggression and merciless criticism for something completely different like putting the children to bed too late or in the “wrong ” way.

Saturday From Hell

This evening she hated me deeply

She had made the choice

To have a really bad day

Because I was not there

They stayed at home all day

Because of the rain and the total inability

To take the bus

Maybe I deserved it

Defining me as a small man

Deserving to die in a snowpack

She spat on me while my daughter

Who sat in my lap

No inhibitions at all

How bad I was

I needed psychiatric help

And then as always

Like a hand that turned

She was so sad, her colleague

Had not done enough

I put my daughter to sleep

Waiting for the next act

Of the bipolar drama