Being Connected

The first night

After the angel had left

Two men came into my head

While I was laying in my bed

They told me

I would soon be dead

Praying for my life

I took that fight

With hand, feet and fists

I tried to get away

But they had the strength

One of them put

A noose round

My neck

And very soon

I was really dead

Leaving that dark room behind

The memories started

To grind

And I did not sleep that night

Preparing for next nights fight

Outdoor Dying

Tired and out of hope

Just trying to stay alive

A little longer

Without knowing why

The wind and the rain

Takes the best of me

(Not that much left)

Soon only memories

Will remain

Untouched by

The relentless rain

The Goodwill

Waiting for the doctor

This time they will pass

The final judgement

For those who cannot

Pay there is no remedy

I cannot pay

A friendly pat on the shoulder

Some tranquilizer and

I will be on my own

Slowly dying

A Memorial To The Sun

The sun brings up memories of happier days

That will not return with or without the sun

A cold and intensive light colors the morning

Time is forever, because the time to change

Has gone away long time ago

All that is to be done now is raging, raving, running

I will not solve anything because the block

Is bigger than me, stronger than me,

Eventually it will kill me

Turning Inside

As the snow keeps falling

Things get worse

Turning away from the

Difficult things that are

Caused by the inner struggle

Between adaption and

Self realization

Being introverted as part of

The dying process

Turning away from friends

Seeing no meaning of talking

Failed going to Holland

Did not dare to use my last money,

No loan, no friends, no confidence

Telling anyone

Ambivalent of the consequences

When borrowing money from

My daughter, turning the

parent-daughter relation

Upside down, just wanted

To feel well, feel my power

Inner strength, to laugh and

Get away from the self destructive

Existence called reality

My bad reality someone else’s

Dream a paradox, being told

That what you do is bad every day

Kills your senses and self respect

Endgame

Is life worth living

What is good life?

People struggle to survive

Dying and defying

Death

That is painful

But is giving

Strength a little bit

Again the

Cycle of life

Is being closed