There are no
Freedom
Here only the idea
Of what a freedom
Could be like
Freedom as the ability
To move outside the limitations
Of anxiety and the fear for
Tomorrow and the inability
To act to prevent
Bad outcomes
There are no
Freedom
Here only the idea
Of what a freedom
Could be like
Freedom as the ability
To move outside the limitations
Of anxiety and the fear for
Tomorrow and the inability
To act to prevent
Bad outcomes
Freezing in the afternoon breeze
The setting sun changes the colour
Of the city giving an illusion of ancient
History that didn’t exist
The calm, slick atmosphere of the
Administrative building
So frustrating in its denial
And lack of a soul
Promises a future
That is doomed and fears
For it’s own shadow
I am that shadow
Meeting someone is so tempting
And so very difficult
I want to love
But love itself awakes fear
Losing your love,
Losing your control
Sometimes your fear
Becomes a trap
Being in a war
Makes it easy
To forget that
You are not in a war now
You do not need to feel fear
Here
Fear burning inside
Your mind
Avoiding, trying to fight
The invisible monster
That do not exist
But still exist
Relaxing, letting go
Let the monster win
And see them
Evaporate in
The sun
Once upon a time my grandmother
Tried to commit suicide
She swallowed a huge
Number of yellow pills
That my mother had
Prescribed to her
As the good doctor and daughter
She was at the time
Sleeping pills
My grandfather found her
In bed with the faded light
And traffic noise from
The street below
On a winter afternoon
I was about ten at the time
My mother told me that
It was not my fault
Not so much, just a little
And any way the pills
Would not kill her
Most to blame was my grandfather
Who did not fulfill her wish
Of the perfect summerhouse
I kept those words in memory
Creating new disasters in
The far future
That is now
Evil is a strange quality
Seldom encountered
In every day life
Still always present
As a shadow or memory
From long time ago
Haunting you through the
Night into the light of the
Morning
The day closes in
Soon the night
Will overtake
Out mad aspirations
And hopes, fears
That kept the day
Going in all it’s bright
Light that hides
Unpleasant surprises
All that will rest for a
Moment
While Sunday turns into
A news monday
Filled with new fears
That will hassle and tear
Us a part slowly
Piece by piece
Still leaving us
In the dark
To care for
Ourselves
All that anxiety
All the pain
That keeps the body together
In fear of falling apart and
Of losing the
Little control
That is left
You keep me
Awake at night
Complaining for
This and that
Always blaming
It is never your fault
Throwing the children
Around like they are
Pawns for you
Which they are for you
But not for me
In the end
You know I will
Leave you
Relationship can
Never be built
On grievances
Jeremy J Trott
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