I do not know

She has twisted 
my head 
very well
I have been salted
with guilt and shame

She has conquered me
with her frustration 
and her projection
i am just an empty
vessel for everyones 
desires and lust, 
fads of someone
and so on
I am trying to heal
even though 
I know that
I will soon be ripped 
apart again
The sun shines on my shoulders
Because I can not gain love
but I need the warmth 
of the sun in my cold 


Reality tests

The sun rises in the west
and sets in the east
As it always has
that is a fact
And we all have
to relate to it
I travelled north
to meet the penguin 
and south to the
Ice bears 
that are soon to 
be extinct
That is a fact to
We all now know
the truth
East and West Berlin
will for a long time
be parted by a wall
and Yugoslavia is
country in tha Balkan
Sovjetunion were proclaimed in 1917
and the ruling party the Communist
are working to change the world
just like in Socialist China
Slow slow is our mind
what we say is not what
we do
But still we have to tie our shoes 

My apologies

I do not feel home in this world. I have because of all anxiety and stress I carry around not been able to create a life where I have a sustainable income. 

So I write this text because yesterday I found out that my life here did not allow me to be what I were once destined to be and this caused me a lot of pain. I do not see any solution to any problem that I have. I will stick on to this insight and try to live as well as I can. 


This is itwe are filled
and filed
Running along
well defined lines
How things should be

But inside the chaos
Regain its momentum
And above God looks down
on us smiling slyly

Augustin in Chicago

I came to Chicago filled with 
shameful desires 
A crossroad became my
Without any expectations 
I waited for the day
when my head would
crack open and leave 
its dirty load to God
or any other creatures
out there
unfortunately this did
not happen
I am still waiting
after all these years
for something to happen
Or at least a little sign
from God

I walk the empty dead street
of the dead city.
Plundered and pillage so many
centuries ago
But my name lives on and so does
the church that I recreated 
more powerful then ever
and in the same time so empty
and void
With priest that seems to enjoy
perverted lust (just like me may
the almighty father forgive at least 
me if not them cause they know
what they do)
Here in Chicago I stay
waiting for the city
to be rebuilt by 
someone motivated to do so