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Nightmare

The restless night

Has started

Filled with

Screams and

Frustration

The nightmare and memories

Comes back to haunt us

As well as screaming kids

And frustrated spouses

Every night I return

Every day a relief

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Debt

Guilt is such a precious thing

Kept and taken care of

Grown by those who need

Control over other

A high price to pay

A prison for the those

Who carries the mantle

Of shame

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Rusted Machine

Who am I?

I do not listen

Anymore and

To any reason

Good or bad

Flexible as a

Corroded padlock

Anxiety beyond

Reason became

My destiny and

Overlord

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On Life

Life demands courage

To be bearable

Suicide demands

Even more courage

To be doable

Therefore the

Paradox of

Living

Without

Hope or will

Just let life

Go on and on

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One Gray Day

After being abused and used

So many times, manipulated

Again and again, my sight

Was clear watching the

Devastated landscape

That once was my life

Goodness is the road to hell

I thought that love would

Heal her wounds but

Trashed people trashes you

And eventually destroys

What they have

Here I am trapped by

Doing what I learned

Was right, turned out

To be an illusion

I stand here

Not knowing

Where to start

 

 

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Insights

In the morning everything seems

worse, much worse

Still the day has pass

Life has to go on

Even though everything feels

Hopeless

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Servitude

Fighting a hopeless war

Losing on all sides

Still it keeps me standing

Hoping to stay out of servitude

So tired, really tired

Serving the need of others

Their lazy life tears me apart

Their fulfilment of repeating

Destructive pattern are destructive

I wish I had been different myself

Meeting oneself in others trashes me

To pieces, still I try to purify myself

In this cesspool, this fountain of dirt

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Hope

What hope can there be

Will this condition ever change?

I am in the middle of this

Lost, frustrated and confused

In a unknown landscape