Vague

There are many forms of nightmares

Some of them visible in full daylight

Tired of not sleeping

Being awake and having vague

Foreboding of something

Much more sinister

But the reality is ambiguous

Hard to interpret a deeper

Understanding

Turning Inside

As the snow keeps falling

Things get worse

Turning away from the

Difficult things that are

Caused by the inner struggle

Between adaption and

Self realization

Being introverted as part of

The dying process

Turning away from friends

Seeing no meaning of talking

Failed going to Holland

Did not dare to use my last money,

No loan, no friends, no confidence

Telling anyone

Ambivalent of the consequences

When borrowing money from

My daughter, turning the

parent-daughter relation

Upside down, just wanted

To feel well, feel my power

Inner strength, to laugh and

Get away from the self destructive

Existence called reality

My bad reality someone else’s

Dream a paradox, being told

That what you do is bad every day

Kills your senses and self respect

Daily Destruction

So we meet again in the afternoon

To restart out fight

With mental venum

Poison for mutual destruction

Telling each other of our shortcomings

And despicable weakness

Each have our own favorite argument

Slowly breaking us down

But we never let each other go

Chained by thousand different reason

And excuses

We will drown fighting until the

Bottom of the sea

Mind reader

Diving into the mind of my grandfather

Dead since almost ten years

Using the wisdom of Tai Chi and my

Intelligence skills

To become a Turncoat, an amoeba

Floating around In

The mental universe

Of the demented man

Whose God, Newton

Would rule with his rigid laws of traction and

Attraction

Searching his fragmented mind for

The Secrets of the atom and the atom bomb

Or the standing of the planet an evening

In March 1981

At the time when Venus rise 87 Degrees east

I maybe I would find,

surprisingly some hidden knowledge

About a pine tree on a remote island in the sea

Sunday in the pit

Slow moving days

No longer can I watch this

Life passing by without a feeling of sorrow

I had for a short moment

A vision

Now it’s gone

Lost in the quarrel

And conflict

Of a dysfunctional relationship

Trying to move in the bottom

Of the pit

Always being

Thrown down

Again and again

The Lost Mind Reader

Sometimes I can read

Other peoples mind

But most of the time

I cannot even read

My own mind

I do not understand

Other peoples intention

But in heaven you just

Smile with the angels

Whose intention is always

Clear and strait forward

That is why is called heaven