Returning

I live in the north

In the land of small hills

And a lot of trees

Some blue lakes

And a lot of lonely and cold people

I wanted to leave but somehow

I am stuck here

First time I went back it was, Because of the language

The second time because Of my career

The third time out of desperation

The fourth time out of frustration

The fifth time has not happened yet

But it will

This is life in the far north

A place where the ice and snow

Is absent

The place where your soul freezes to ice

Take my advice

Stay out

Leave me alone

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The sorrow is never mine, the sorrow is always mine

Life is so short

With so little meaning

And so precious to some

But not to me

I am just breathing

Life is pain and suffering

Life is never getting through

Life is the early mornings in the

Subway¨

So gray that it could fill a lifetime

With despair

Life is the coughing in the

Next room

Realizing that you are going

To loose and get old

Life is being alone

No one will ever be on your side

That is my life experience

Life is being told “it will be fine”

Just another lie, a stupid lie

Let me be

Let me hate in peace

Leave me alone

But with enough opportunity

To manage my own

Life

 

Pansar

Always on the lookout

Ready to protect myself

This is me

What I became

Always in fear

Always feeling inferior

And superior at the same time

My life has no purpose

No meaning

There was no plan

There is no plan

There will be no plan

I am just here

Restart

Screaming babies

Running around the house

Making noises

Demanding total attention

I lose focus,

Trying to start all over again

Calming the babies and the mother

Losing a sentence here

And a sentence there

Suddenly finding

New words and

Other stories

Outside

Out in the world

A quick dive

Into reality

The noise, the smell, the cold

People moving around seemingly without a plan

I have fear, deep fear

That i cannot handle in any way

I am a prisoner of my own mind

No matter where I go

My cell will follow me

Sunset

Trapped between

What I want

And

What I need

I find myself

In a peculiar prison

Whose walls are flexible

Sometimes non existent

Just knowing that I can’t

Leave

I can scream, run , escape

But I can never leave

Unless I break the spell

Which might not happen

The sun will rise against

It’s will again and again

Because of the mechanics

But for no other reason

Trap

It has all gone too far

Too slowly

So that one does

Not think about it

And suddenly

You find yourself

In a place of no return

The problem is that

With open eyes

We walk into the trap

Knowingly

Thinking it will

Not be big problem

Then it is too late

Farewell

To say goodbye is an art form

A way to prolong

What is going to end

Anyway

You get foul tricked and trapped

By your mind

But how could

We otherwise

Let go