A Shaky Reality

So we are back again,

Back to crazy accusations

Defining me as mentally ill,

Because i did not change my daughters dipers

Did not brush her teeth before bedtime because

She was to tired

I have to get a diagnose by a psychiatrist

Because of this

Trying to keep up, stay focused

This is a hard thing

Working to get back my energy

I don’t trust people anymore

This has been to much living together

With people that define you as mad

When they have problem to keep themselves

Together

The Falling Snow

After trying to keep

My head high

Someone put it to the ground

I am breaking through

Hitting and hurting myself

Falling down

Being criticised

All the things I carry

is a heavy load

Eventually we break down

Power is gone

Hope and dreams gone

Only the falling snow

Remains

Bipolar Circle

Living with a bipolar

One moment everything is

Fine, the next moment

She is stressed

The situation is bad as hell

Blaming and screaming

Trying to get out of it,

Is like a nightmare,

You try to run away

But your leg does not

Carry you anymore

The monster approaches

There is no way to escape

You just have to play dead

Hope for the best

Surviving Being a Partner to a Bipolar

Living with a bipolar partner can be very traumatic. All conflicts tend to be extreme. Whatever you are doing is completely wrong. You don’t deserve any credit for anything. No matter what you have done so far is never enough.

Then after that comes the change. She is so sorry for what happened and what she has done. Then there is a slight chance that you can agree on something. This agreement she might keep or not. But the that is s good start.

Once this pattern has repeated itself enough often. One start to adapt and create strategies for handling it. Eventually however it gets you and you can give up talking about your needs since they are not acceptable if he/ she does not feel well or is frustrated for one reason or another. It can be a family quarrel with a mother or something at work. You will have to carry the burden of that by being the target of aggression and merciless criticism for something completely different like putting the children to bed too late or in the “wrong ” way.

Saturday From Hell

This evening she hated me deeply

She had made the choice

To have a really bad day

Because I was not there

They stayed at home all day

Because of the rain and the total inability

To take the bus

Maybe I deserved it

Defining me as a small man

Deserving to die in a snowpack

She spat on me while my daughter

Who sat in my lap

No inhibitions at all

How bad I was

I needed psychiatric help

And then as always

Like a hand that turned

She was so sad, her colleague

Had not done enough

I put my daughter to sleep

Waiting for the next act

Of the bipolar drama