One Gray Day

After being abused and used

So many times, manipulated

Again and again, my sight

Was clear watching the

Devastated landscape

That once was my life

Goodness is the road to hell

I thought that love would

Heal her wounds but

Trashed people trashes you

And eventually destroys

What they have

Here I am trapped by

Doing what I learned

Was right, turned out

To be an illusion

I stand here

Not knowing

Where to start

 

 

Blame

I cannot blame

Anyone but myself

And here I am

Desperate to change

Without being able

To change at all

Caught between

Different ideological fantasis

Of what life should be like

And how to solve it’s vice and evils

No, they have no realistic solutions

And neither do I

On the Run

On the run

From the inevitable

Disaster that

Eventually will catch

Up blaming

Us all for our incompetence

Whatever we do

It all depends on her mode

Of the moment

Trashing us to pieces

Year after year

Frost bites

Attuned to the hopelessness

Of the day as it presented itself

I continued in the same mode

Not much to do or achieve

Just the mistake of being me

In a very cold place

I had to accept and fall off

Discreetly leaving the

Disasters I caused by being me

Behind for other to clean up

If at all possible

Being Used

And now again

The same old story

Repeating to us

The wisdom, that one learn

Nothing, going into the same

Trap again and again

With open eyes

Keeping the Wake

You keep me

Awake at night

Complaining for

This and that

Always blaming

It is never your fault

Throwing the children

Around like they are

Pawns for you

Which they are for you

But not for me

In the end

You know I will

Leave you

Relationship can

Never be built

On grievances

Something

Let me have hope

Something to live for

Not my country, not my family

Not myself

Something more

Out of order and moral

Just something more

Than old books and outworn ideas

That destroy our world right now

Just something

 

Erased

Stormy night, rainy day

The conflict went on and on

With no end in sight

We fought our internal war

For many, many years

Slowly drowning

While the world watched

Our agony in ignorance

And apathy

Erasing us from its memory

Forever

Tired

Tired of talking

While listening

To your endless

Excuses and lies

Not even the smallest

Thing can be said

Without your denial

No problem can ever be

Solved

Not even a teabag found

Memory

The Memory is challenging

Taking new ways

Gaining new perspectives

Losing others

Pain avoidance and a childish urge

To not be embarrassing 

Empty of compassion