To Survive

Creating is surviving

Striving to grow

Out of my body

To grow out of my soul

To grow out of my brain

To outgrow my limitation

To receive

To give

To live

To die

Subway

I came to late

Just in time

When they sealed

Of the station

A woman in civil clothes

Telling people not to go

Down

Then came the fire trucks

Ambulances and police cars

With all their equipment

The water on the platform

Were the only remains

One hour later

The World

The latent virus of the Cold War never went away

It came back to us, full of new features

The world now

Divided between the rich, affluent or just crooked

While big men with guns standing on their guard ready to kill

Or at least harm while preparing another massacre in a tiny village

The battle for the control of resources has just started again

Plans are being made, the control so important, still such a

Great illusion being extended to every corner of human existence

New types of weapons being created more efficient

In killing is being put up, to win you need to create chaos

A great ladder for climbing while we are falling

Avoiding to prepare until the very last moment

I Don’t Want To Go

The end is so near

I am not ready

To end it all

Just lost the meaning

To live

Have to find a new one

I know I am not

Good enough and

That is not really

Where I want to be

Only That

I don’t want to break down

Or commit suicid

I don’t want to fight

I don’t want to hate

Someone I only want

To live

My life

Have an economy

That works

Not losing

Money every day

Only thar

Nothing more

Grey Nights

Eternal grey clouds

Moving quickly over

The night sky

While I move across empty

Dark streets in the suburbs

Cold and tired after a

Long day,

I am received with

Angry words and demands

I do not know why

I am still here

In this sad position

It is like magic

Only the pine trees

Will be my witness

Surviving

Fear is a good thing

Keeping you alive in the winter

Makes you run and avoid danger

The fearless might be the dead one

You find them frozen to death

In the morning

Looking like they are still alive

With open eyes

Submitting Myself

Calm and imbalance

Keeping the balance

Means losing my self

But living in peace

Following her every whim

Keeping her comfort

While slowly losing my will

Like a spiders web surrounding me

Suffocating everything around her

Surviving Being a Partner to a Bipolar

Living with a bipolar partner can be very traumatic. All conflicts tend to be extreme. Whatever you are doing is completely wrong. You don’t deserve any credit for anything. No matter what you have done so far is never enough.

Then after that comes the change. She is so sorry for what happened and what she has done. Then there is a slight chance that you can agree on something. This agreement she might keep or not. But the that is s good start.

Once this pattern has repeated itself enough often. One start to adapt and create strategies for handling it. Eventually however it gets you and you can give up talking about your needs since they are not acceptable if he/ she does not feel well or is frustrated for one reason or another. It can be a family quarrel with a mother or something at work. You will have to carry the burden of that by being the target of aggression and merciless criticism for something completely different like putting the children to bed too late or in the “wrong ” way.

Shadowland

Running away from my shadow

Into the land of shadows

Embracing the darkness

The obscurity of the mind

And a feeling of dizziness

While trying to figure out

How to survive in this

Land of the night