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The World

The latent virus of the Cold War never went away

It came back to us, full of new features

The world now

Divided between the rich, affluent or just crooked

While big men with guns standing on their guard ready to kill

Or at least harm while preparing another massacre in a tiny village

The battle for the control of resources has just started again

Plans are being made, the control so important, still such a

Great illusion being extended to every corner of human existence

New types of weapons being created more efficient

In killing is being put up, to win you need to create chaos

A great ladder for climbing while we are falling

Avoiding to prepare until the very last moment

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I Don’t Want To Go

The end is so near

I am not ready

To end it all

Just lost the meaning

To live

Have to find a new one

I know I am not

Good enough and

That is not really

Where I want to be

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Grey Nights

Eternal grey clouds

Moving quickly over

The night sky

While I move across empty

Dark streets in the suburbs

Cold and tired after a

Long day,

I am received with

Angry words and demands

I do not know why

I am still here

In this sad position

It is like magic

Only the pine trees

Will be my witness

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Surviving

Fear is a good thing

Keeping you alive in the winter

Makes you run and avoid danger

The fearless might be the dead one

You find them frozen to death

In the morning

Looking like they are still alive

With open eyes

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Submitting Myself

Calm and imbalance

Keeping the balance

Means losing my self

But living in peace

Following her every whim

Keeping her comfort

While slowly losing my will

Like a spiders web surrounding me

Suffocating everything around her

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Surviving Being a Partner to a Bipolar

Living with a bipolar partner can be very traumatic. All conflicts tend to be extreme. Whatever you are doing is completely wrong. You don’t deserve any credit for anything. No matter what you have done so far is never enough.

Then after that comes the change. She is so sorry for what happened and what she has done. Then there is a slight chance that you can agree on something. This agreement she might keep or not. But the that is s good start.

Once this pattern has repeated itself enough often. One start to adapt and create strategies for handling it. Eventually however it gets you and you can give up talking about your needs since they are not acceptable if he/ she does not feel well or is frustrated for one reason or another. It can be a family quarrel with a mother or something at work. You will have to carry the burden of that by being the target of aggression and merciless criticism for something completely different like putting the children to bed too late or in the “wrong ” way.

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Shadowland

Running away from my shadow

Into the land of shadows

Embracing the darkness

The obscurity of the mind

And a feeling of dizziness

While trying to figure out

How to survive in this

Land of the night

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No

Keeping the silence of winter

In my heart

The gray snow and black water

Slowly ending hope of a better life

I took a big beating yesterday

Learning that I was a worthless

Selfish person

Without any consideration of others

Since I said no to her

Saying no is not an answer,

She has so much work, so stressed

Everyone is so evil to her

And here I come saying yes, yes, yes

And then one no….

But I stood my ground remained calm

And eventually it helped…

All the accusation ceased

And left was a sad, sad girl

Maybe it helped, maybe not

It does not matter

My day is still wasted