I am the Problem

The problem is rising

It is me

And I cannot solve it

Since I am the very problem

But for whom?

Well,

If I do I will die

Since I am the problem

I am not me

I am the problem

The trash that you

Stash away

You don’t like me

You will have more of me

Solve me and I melt away

Like snow a sunny day

It seems like an insurmountable

Gigantic iceberg that has

Taken over my mind and soul

Cannot do it

I will not do it

Only escape the pain

That has been my life

Part of my life for so long

Looked up, looked in

And eventually I will

Succumb

Or just melt away

And appear in a different

Form and not what I

Once was

A problem

Traps

Trapped in between

What once was

And

What is going to be

I drop my mind, prejudice and thinking

Meeting my demons at the door

Alone facing the nightmare of

Bad existence

Love is not

Hate is not

But I am

Letter From a Codependent Madmanæ

I just don’t know

I just can’t tell

The difference

Living with someone

That makes you lose

Your mind in the deep blue dawn consciousness

A Saturday afternoon in January

Slowly losing your consciousness, your clothes,

Your things, your money and eventually your life

Fighting and losing all the time

Finally you see this as

Interpretations of reality

Am I mentally ill or

In a situation where I lost perception of reality

My ability to say no, to feel

And know what I feel

All that stress makes me crazy

But is it in me or around me

Where do I end and she starts?

Everyday I have to do this, this and this

Because she is so stressed reading the newspaper in sofa for a far to long time

She is not able to deal with everyday life of cleaning, making food, planing

It is all so stressful for her so it all have to wait until the very last moment

While we around her cover up

Codependent is a good word

Codependent of what?

Grinding

The slowly grinding

A little piece a day

Time and time again

Everything is set at repeat

I will not make it

I will never be free

Slowly the spider is

Emptying it’s the body

On blood, soon the

Prison will be feeling

Like freedom, the prisoner

A happy participant in his

Own execution

Trapped

I am in the

Loop

Returning to patterns

Of thought and actions

Belonging to the neurotic

Mind and it’s

Never ending circles

While the stream of life

Passes by

Beacon of light

The lighthouse

Is trying to connect

To the rest of the

World

But the world

Has no interest

In the lighthouse

It’s beacon

However Well known

Has the same message

Every day and night

Do not go there

Avoid danger

Still we go there

Again and again

With our ships

With our desire

Trapped like flies

In a bottle

We find ourself

In the morning

Servitude

Fighting a hopeless war

Losing on all sides

Still it keeps me standing

Hoping to stay out of servitude

So tired, really tired

Serving the need of others

Their lazy life tears me apart

Their fulfilment of repeating

Destructive pattern are destructive

I wish I had been different myself

Meeting oneself in others trashes me

To pieces, still I try to purify myself

In this cesspool, this fountain of dirt

Being Used

And now again

The same old story

Repeating to us

The wisdom, that one learn

Nothing, going into the same

Trap again and again

With open eyes