Cascading transcendence

When I was young

I wanted to be strong and without fear

Fly all over the world with my wings

Instead I lost it all

Failed again and again

In my shame and grief

I hide in my cell

But the wound was painful, it went deep into the heart

I could not from the world stay apart

I had to repeat again and agin

What I could not do, I had to do

Again and again

And my life went into a loop

New people, new failures

To prove once and for all how bad I really am

But that was not end

I realized that I had to transcend

To see life from a different point of view

And play with a friend

And that was finally the end

Black mold

I don´t see any meaning

To live with you is like being

beaten verbally every day

of the year

You made my life hell

And still you stay with me

I have to end this now

Now I been saying this for

So many years

Bad math

IMG_0193.JPGThis is the heavy moment
All this blame
All this critical comments
Whatever you do is wrong
Shame on you
Everything will go wrong
No I am not depressed
Just blaming you of everything
this very evening
You do not clean well
You do not take care of the children, well
You lie to me all the time
You have not done anything, anytime
No not good enough
Only my insane math is valid argument

Past present

It is all over now
It is all over me now
the pain, the memories
the fear of tomorrow
There are no lights
in the attic on the other side of the street anymore

I miss my freedom
I feel time has got me again
The now will turn
to autumn and winter again
and again
each year with a little shorter summer
I miss my youth
I miss my future
and my past
but who could know
this then and now?
The evening falls fast
this time of the year

Blocked

I am blocked
I cannot deal
with this anymore

Year after year
the same problem
and the same
inability
to do anything
about it

Deep in my heart
there are so much pain
I do not know why anymore
never mind
This might not be important

Half

Now they gone cut me in half
and half
I will be
This is not the ultimate option
I will be the half-man 
half-witted 
and not much more
but this is the price
I pay
The life I never opt for
but were given
by some distant god
in a sky
or maybe he lives in a pie
however
to be cut in half does
not do me any god
at all