Longing

Deep inside us and what we are

All the next action determined

By our destiny and will

Something that is neither

Far in our mind we do not

Understand ourselves

Sometimes

The best thing is the sun

Gone for most of the winter

To get to know the heating strokes

Again

It is an awful place to live

Your life in darkness

Takes it’s toll

Will is not being

Done for you

In this

Cold early spring

Dreamscapes

All those dreams

What is inside

My shattered mind

Lost both focus and

Concentration

Directed my lose ends

As well as I could

But got blocked in the end

Having all this time and still

Not being able to do anything

Because all these anxiety filled

My consciousness completely

This paradox being in and out of

Control created a fake identity

I am still trying to understand

What I am feeling and if I am

Feeling

Realising the importance of being

Authentic and how difficult it is

To be authentic

Just one of many paradoxes

That will never solve any problem

At all

Lonely Running Time

Lonely forever and ever

That is my nature

All those people passing by

Without me knowing why

All those important things

That has to be done

Without any reason why

There is a stream in time

That everything has to be done

Now, or just before now

Run,run and run

Your life will not be fun

Nothing needs to be done

It is just an illusion of our

Time

Submitting Myself

Calm and imbalance

Keeping the balance

Means losing my self

But living in peace

Following her every whim

Keeping her comfort

While slowly losing my will

Like a spiders web surrounding me

Suffocating everything around her

Surviving Being a Partner to a Bipolar

Living with a bipolar partner can be very traumatic. All conflicts tend to be extreme. Whatever you are doing is completely wrong. You don’t deserve any credit for anything. No matter what you have done so far is never enough.

Then after that comes the change. She is so sorry for what happened and what she has done. Then there is a slight chance that you can agree on something. This agreement she might keep or not. But the that is s good start.

Once this pattern has repeated itself enough often. One start to adapt and create strategies for handling it. Eventually however it gets you and you can give up talking about your needs since they are not acceptable if he/ she does not feel well or is frustrated for one reason or another. It can be a family quarrel with a mother or something at work. You will have to carry the burden of that by being the target of aggression and merciless criticism for something completely different like putting the children to bed too late or in the “wrong ” way.

To the Other Side

I need to be aggressive

And fight myself through it

I don’t know how

Just that I have to

In order to get out on

The other side

Which I don’t know

What it looks like