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Lonely Running Time

Lonely forever and ever

That is my nature

All those people passing by

Without me knowing why

All those important things

That has to be done

Without any reason why

There is a stream in time

That everything has to be done

Now, or just before now

Run,run and run

Your life will not be fun

Nothing needs to be done

It is just an illusion of our

Time

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Submitting Myself

Calm and imbalance

Keeping the balance

Means losing my self

But living in peace

Following her every whim

Keeping her comfort

While slowly losing my will

Like a spiders web surrounding me

Suffocating everything around her

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Surviving Being a Partner to a Bipolar

Living with a bipolar partner can be very traumatic. All conflicts tend to be extreme. Whatever you are doing is completely wrong. You don’t deserve any credit for anything. No matter what you have done so far is never enough.

Then after that comes the change. She is so sorry for what happened and what she has done. Then there is a slight chance that you can agree on something. This agreement she might keep or not. But the that is s good start.

Once this pattern has repeated itself enough often. One start to adapt and create strategies for handling it. Eventually however it gets you and you can give up talking about your needs since they are not acceptable if he/ she does not feel well or is frustrated for one reason or another. It can be a family quarrel with a mother or something at work. You will have to carry the burden of that by being the target of aggression and merciless criticism for something completely different like putting the children to bed too late or in the “wrong ” way.

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To the Other Side

I need to be aggressive

And fight myself through it

I don’t know how

Just that I have to

In order to get out on

The other side

Which I don’t know

What it looks like

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Promises

I feel lost empty

I promise the sky

And I can only

Deliver one big shoe

I fight and lose

Rise up again

And fight and lose

No way

No problem

Solutions around the corner

Or disaster

But still here

And that’s

What counts

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Slowly Dying

Moving around on

The frozen tundra

Along with the other

Lost soul who ended up here

In the far north

The place where you find

Yourself out of life and lust

Just empty cold days without

Meaning and hope

Travelling from work (if you have such a thing)

To home losing the last feelings of

Hope and Joy

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Hell

Hell has its certain flavour

Tastes and fragrance

I am here all the time

Now

Hell is not a hot place

Hell is not a cold place

Hell is absence

Absence of love

Absence of hope

I have been here

Too long

But as an intellectual

It is quite entertaining

Cold sense works

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Letter From a Codependent Madmanæ

I just don’t know

I just can’t tell

The difference

Living with someone

That makes you lose

Your mind in the deep blue dawn consciousness

A Saturday afternoon in January

Slowly losing your consciousness, your clothes,

Your things, your money and eventually your life

Fighting and losing all the time

Finally you see this as

Interpretations of reality

Am I mentally ill or

In a situation where I lost perception of reality

My ability to say no, to feel

And know what I feel

All that stress makes me crazy

But is it in me or around me

Where do I end and she starts?

Everyday I have to do this, this and this

Because she is so stressed reading the newspaper in sofa for a far to long time

She is not able to deal with everyday life of cleaning, making food, planing

It is all so stressful for her so it all have to wait until the very last moment

While we around her cover up

Codependent is a good word

Codependent of what?