Freezing and getting warm at the same time

Every fiber in my body wants to rest but I have to stay on my post

Continue to write until the end

But why?

I do not know any more

There is a way back to normal life

But if normal means killing your soul and identity

What then?


Tired and still blocked

Cannot take control

And break the spell

Keep walking, keep the momentum

Maybe things will ease up

Maybe not

Have to sleep

The lost time

I am trying to get my mind together

All the lack of Reciprocity

The one way communication limits the meaning of any communication

Just listening to your words made me realize that all what I say lacks meaning

But still I will try

Time lost, time gain

Setting the time

The morning has long past

I am now living in the future,

It sounds like a bad movie, but everything is the same

Just different characters in the roles

And I am in the place that I always feared

Lonely, without real friends but busy taking

Care about children and mentally ill people

Most of the time, It fills my mind and I am trapped

No energy for something else than that

I will never succeed in any way

Because anxiety takes the most irrational ways

It has to go somewhere and now it takes

The energy from making a living

Slowly I am being strangled

She promised she would never let me go

And I stay as always for too long




Early in the morning

This is a repetition and

How many times have I not

Been here

Finding myself sleeping on the floor

Only to wake up early in the morning

Regaining hope and trust in life

Without any good reason

The fear of dreaming


At night I see myself in another light reality turns into a museum of nightmares

Mixing memory and desire in rare and precious ways under the stars it is possible

To sense life on the other planets related to us in very distant solar systems

Time and space mixes into strange combination when protected from the rationale of  the god of light



What am I ?

What do I want ?

Where do I go ?

All that questions,

Questions without meaning or purpose

Relevant but irrelevant

I now realize that the answer is

No one, Nothing, Nowhere

Mind, soul and body

Quiet night, the reality is far away

I do not need to engage in anything

Create and listen, write, think

Ensemble myself together again

I am a little bit more me now

And it is ok

Soon I will lose myself again

But for the moment

I am more spirit than body


Writing away my anxiety

Pretending that I have a choice

Pretending that It is a free will

Being possessed by spirits and memes

From another era, it is not much I can do

The problem is that it is only getting worse

With age, I am not getting wiser

Build and burn

Burning for something is wonderful

I burn now and then

Sometimes I burn out

Sometimes is just to humid and I do not burn

Best is to build and then burn

Destroying what we created

Again and again