Triumph of loss

Every time the limitations are the same
I keep banging my head
again and again 
from time to time I stop
and
listen to the sound of the cars passing by outside
my window
I had my chance and now it might been gone
for a long time (maybe it was not even a chance)
I listen

I try

The voices inside my head are debating 
the history of my life
I look on from the outside
but no peace of mind
falls on my part

Happy, happy happy new year

Happy new year
Filled whit anxiety and fear

Framed in what could have been here
 But is not
The shelling of the suburbs are heavy but

illusional 
We all need to forget what our mind thought us
in the war that never was here but always there and theirs