My apologies

I do not feel home in this world. I have because of all anxiety and stress I carry around not been able to create a life where I have a sustainable income. 

So I write this text because yesterday I found out that my life here did not allow me to be what I were once destined to be and this caused me a lot of pain. I do not see any solution to any problem that I have. I will stick on to this insight and try to live as well as I can. 


This is itwe are filled
and filed
Running along
well defined lines
How things should be

But inside the chaos
Regain its momentum
And above God looks down
on us smiling slyly

Augustin in Chicago

I came to Chicago filled with 
shameful desires 
A crossroad became my
Without any expectations 
I waited for the day
when my head would
crack open and leave 
its dirty load to God
or any other creatures
out there
unfortunately this did
not happen
I am still waiting
after all these years
for something to happen
Or at least a little sign
from God

I walk the empty dead street
of the dead city.
Plundered and pillage so many
centuries ago
But my name lives on and so does
the church that I recreated 
more powerful then ever
and in the same time so empty
and void
With priest that seems to enjoy
perverted lust (just like me may
the almighty father forgive at least 
me if not them cause they know
what they do)
Here in Chicago I stay
waiting for the city
to be rebuilt by 
someone motivated to do so

Give us the right to die quick without pain

We have the right to die
as free men

Why do we have to live 
in a society that do not
want us? 
Let us die, let us leave
your dirty world filled
with worthless words
Filled with us parasites
This life has no meaning
we are just victims of God
and his experiment. 
This is funny 
I believe that I will
leave this planet
With a smile on my face
and move to a place
where there are other
Gods ruling the universe

No need

And so..

This gray day in the heart of my country
taken over by others, ruled by others

I finally reached the conclusion
That I will enact today
Today the days are
finally numbered

Why do you value this life so much?
It is just filled with suffering, hiding and frustration
Listen, the people in the camps
died because they decided to do so

But I lack the courage to kill my self
I lack the patient to prepare
I lacks the insights
To comprehend
that there is no hope
for any improvement

There is no need for me
on this dirty planet
Filled by people
of every sort and race
Time is all I will have
I do not care
I do not try 
I do not
I will be the monster
You asked for in
your dreams

What am I doing here

Looked in a small flat
with a baby sleeping
My mind not working
Listen and Listen to 
other peoples word
without forming my
Trial and Error
I took the wrong