No need

And so..

This gray day in the heart of my country
taken over by others, ruled by others

I finally reached the conclusion
That I will enact today
Today the days are
finally numbered

Why do you value this life so much?
It is just filled with suffering, hiding and frustration
Listen, the people in the camps
died because they decided to do so

But I lack the courage to kill my self
I lack the patient to prepare
I lacks the insights
To comprehend
that there is no hope
for any improvement

There is no need for me
on this dirty planet
Filled by people
of every sort and race
Time is all I will have
I do not care
I do not try 
I do not
I will be the monster
You asked for in
your dreams

What am I doing here

Looked in a small flat
with a baby sleeping
outside
My mind not working
Listen and Listen to 
other peoples word
without forming my
Own 
Trial and Error
I took the wrong
path

Nightfall

That night God spoke to me
And asked if I were alright due to the circumstances
I told him had very little sleep recently, slyly he put his finger on my forehead
And I fell asleep an slept for almost six hours
After that another day brook the night and I realized that some of burdens had been lifted from my shoulders
Some but not all

Hard

I try to bread 
It is difficult
Do I have do this
All my life has been
filled with fear
Fear of failing, fear of not being accepted 
and here I am
again

Have to master
Have to be sure
Have to be something
Have to

And again
the wave of aging 
of changing
shape and posture
status and rank
Yesterday I met my
father
He were older to
and in the bookshop
our foreign minister
stood and read biographies 
of past politicians 
I greeted him because
life is sometimes better
when one takes
risks

I

I am a schemer 
that is my 
nature

Rotten by heart
some people
would say

Nothing surprises me 
anymore
But useful
I am 
Sometimes

Lead

Slowly the poison 
is finally kicking in
And I am going
to see the world in a 
different light.
What we give is facts
and new hope