In time there will be more snow
and
there will be another morning

I mourn my losses

i see my gains

considering 

another day as a better time to play

another day to count the cost of living as a lost man

in a northern country on the brink of the world

Considering my non-participation in recent wars

That could not be won by anyone

Syria

You are not in my dreams

like Bosnia

I still feel ashamed for not helping

not supporting 

turning away to another part of

the universe 

just like my ancestors did not long

ago in 1941 or 1942

but this is now

That generation are gone recently 

I am still here 

I have to answer to the future

No solution

Nothing and more of the same

I am going to die this way

In an empty dessert of

grayness

Shallow water 

Trying to find a way

through the night

Triumph of loss

Every time the limitations are the same
I keep banging my head
again and again 
from time to time I stop
and
listen to the sound of the cars passing by outside
my window
I had my chance and now it might been gone
for a long time (maybe it was not even a chance)
I listen

I try

The voices inside my head are debating 
the history of my life
I look on from the outside
but no peace of mind
falls on my part

Happy, happy happy new year

Happy new year
Filled whit anxiety and fear

Framed in what could have been here
 But is not
The shelling of the suburbs are heavy but

illusional 
We all need to forget what our mind thought us
in the war that never was here but always there and theirs