Pazi!!!

Now

My brain is ready for total destruction
I wait for total reconstruction of meaning
I always hope for the best
But I can not se what is best at the very
moment
The snow keeps on falling
and I keep on writing signs
on my mental walls
Consulting my memory

Lost

I am lost
here in the snow
watching as life passes by
on the outside

The agony is grinding
my mind
The sleep long gone
at ten

Hate

Nothing left

Only that 

and 

some other things

to keep me 

occupied until the day

I forget them

Survival

Survival of the fat man 

in the desert is a hard

thing

This is mainly due

to the many desserts 

eaten throughout the years of passive

aggression 

Then just this out in nowhere

no water

no friends

no visits to that nice place in Alexandria

that some calls library but as everyone knows

is the halls of quiet ecstasy 

In time there will be more snow
and
there will be another morning

I mourn my losses

i see my gains

considering 

another day as a better time to play

another day to count the cost of living as a lost man

in a northern country on the brink of the world

Considering my non-participation in recent wars

That could not be won by anyone

Syria

You are not in my dreams

like Bosnia

I still feel ashamed for not helping

not supporting 

turning away to another part of

the universe 

just like my ancestors did not long

ago in 1941 or 1942

but this is now

That generation are gone recently 

I am still here 

I have to answer to the future

No solution

Nothing and more of the same

I am going to die this way

In an empty dessert of

grayness

Shallow water 

Trying to find a way

through the night

Triumph of loss

Every time the limitations are the same
I keep banging my head
again and again 
from time to time I stop
and
listen to the sound of the cars passing by outside
my window
I had my chance and now it might been gone
for a long time (maybe it was not even a chance)
I listen