Haunted

I am haunted

By what I left behind

To much unfinished

Business

anxiety and panic

All collected into

My soul

After so many years

I have been getting

Used to it

Monday too

Writing to find peace of mind

Only finding anxiety and pain

I did what I had to do

Or not

I do not know

Just feeling frustration of existing

In the wrong place and time

Good Habits

Getting crazy

Or not

Anything is better than being  blocked

This is so frustrating

Trying to get rid of anxiety

And it comes back worse than before

Habits or not

This is so strong

Paincollector

This day so filled with heavy burdens
And frustration I tried to climb out of the pit I am in
I feel so much pain

My children are denied their love
And I am stuck in put together a protokoll
That I said I do it to be nice, to be good, to be loved

I do not like myself today
I feel so deeply ashamed
I just want to get rid of the text
And forget who I amIMG_1994

Agony

agony is a terrible
thing

It tears you apart
piece by piece

You are out there
Lonely and filled
with self-doubt
All your life feels
Wasted
All your actions
In vain

Past present

It is all over now
It is all over me now
the pain, the memories
the fear of tomorrow
There are no lights
in the attic on the other side of the street anymore

I miss my freedom
I feel time has got me again
The now will turn
to autumn and winter again
and again
each year with a little shorter summer
I miss my youth
I miss my future
and my past
but who could know
this then and now?
The evening falls fast
this time of the year

Flight

This is me
That is what I am
The pain of thought
The pain of memory
Feeling that is all
out of control
Someone else also
with a broken faith
a broken mind
She want me to move
as she is used to
As her father did
But I am not here
I escape, avoid,
walking around
Forgetting other
Options
The summer will soon be over
The winther is in my heart

Hiding

Defending my weak spots
I have hidden in the sand
for so long
All my grudge 
All my pain
All my neurosis 
i try to hide them
under the sand
in the sun
while watching
the sea
They give me a lot of pain
waiting to take a bath
when nobody is watching 
me
This might never happen