Sinking In

When the energy is lost

You sink into the coma of

Self-reflection steering into that

Strange mirage that pretend to be you

The turbid picture makes a strange impression

Depression and self-pity combined with

Contempt is acid for the soul

Even mindless drinking is better than that

Our mind is constructed with the Thanatos

In mind creating the option of suicide quick

Or slow that takes decades

Only mad action can cure that

Interference and Illusions

IMG_1872I fell into silence in this empty world

Realizing that maybe the solution

Is not what I thought

Lessons comes dearly

Takes effort and time

I paid with almost 25 years

For the illusion that my anxiety

My life could be better

With someone telling me what to do

That I would be free through therapy

What an illusion

What a crazy fantasy

I did choose this way of imprisonment

Wasting my life with useless talking

Instead of taking action and changing

The conditions

In the Valley of Darkness

Life in all its variety

Is a prisma of suffering

In one way or the other

Trying to go

When its as darkest

So I don’t need

To feel any hope

When the light

Return

Hope

Returns

Eventually

Sunday depression

That’s it a dark day in the beginning of December

The children had enough of us

Quarrel all the time

They run away

Twice

We found them

Far away on the way to their own adventures

Then the girl just run away

In the museum

So she wants to lean on me

But I am weak and most of all

Tired, and so ANGRY

She stole our life

Fulfilling her depressive patterns

Always being the victim

What’s the meaning of that

Well to repeat forever and ever

Blackened the life of us all

I ended up running away

Finally feeling normal

While the snow kept

Falling on my head

Spring depression

Every spring is the same feeling

Depression, depression and frustration

It always comes in April

Feeling like a failure and frustrated like crazy

I am on the same place every year

Trying to cope and handle

Fight not to kill myself

Falling apart and

Slowly healing in the summer

Save me from those feelings

But nature has its way

Paralysed

What has been the meaning of my dream?
For so long time
It were
Given to me
And I could not stand up to it
All those beautiful things
I should achieve
And nothing happened
I could not move
The mind became numb
The muscles stiff
Anxiety and fear
Overtook me
And there I was
All alone in our big grey country
The country were the sun only shines
On the rational souls of economic man
We irrational creatures had no right to live
Expected to die and then forgotten
I did not die, I did not forget
But my mind is still paralysed
Seeing the shadows moving
As the day settles and the current
In the river stops