Springwater

Lost language and hope

The ability to write

Madness looming together

With depression

Trying to keep my grip

Sun rising higher in the sky

Everyday now in the early frozen spring

Disaster

My life is a fucking disaster

Just one failure after another

Cannot live anymore

Just all this criticism

I am facing

At the every moment

Is killing me

Outreach

Living in chaos

While depression

Is gripping me

This very morning

Slowly putting out

The lights one by one

The only thing to do is

Keep on moving

Sinking In

When the energy is lost

You sink into the coma of

Self-reflection steering into that

Strange mirage that pretend to be you

The turbid picture makes a strange impression

Depression and self-pity combined with

Contempt is acid for the soul

Even mindless drinking is better than that

Our mind is constructed with the Thanatos

In mind creating the option of suicide quick

Or slow that takes decades

Only mad action can cure that

Interference and Illusions

IMG_1872I fell into silence in this empty world

Realizing that maybe the solution

Is not what I thought

Lessons comes dearly

Takes effort and time

I paid with almost 25 years

For the illusion that my anxiety

My life could be better

With someone telling me what to do

That I would be free through therapy

What an illusion

What a crazy fantasy

I did choose this way of imprisonment

Wasting my life with useless talking

Instead of taking action and changing

The conditions