Turning Inside

As the snow keeps falling

Things get worse

Turning away from the

Difficult things that are

Caused by the inner struggle

Between adaption and

Self realization

Being introverted as part of

The dying process

Turning away from friends

Seeing no meaning of talking

Failed going to Holland

Did not dare to use my last money,

No loan, no friends, no confidence

Telling anyone

Ambivalent of the consequences

When borrowing money from

My daughter, turning the

parent-daughter relation

Upside down, just wanted

To feel well, feel my power

Inner strength, to laugh and

Get away from the self destructive

Existence called reality

My bad reality someone else’s

Dream a paradox, being told

That what you do is bad every day

Kills your senses and self respect

Endgame

Is life worth living

What is good life?

People struggle to survive

Dying and defying

Death

That is painful

But is giving

Strength a little bit

Again the

Cycle of life

Is being closed

Meaning of Life

Maybe life has a meaning

But in the end it does not

Matter

It still too much suffering

To be worth it

Meaning for whom

What agenda drives

Your meaning

Your country, The church

Or maybe Ayn Rand

Never mind in the end

Is not worth it

You die alone

Anyway

Our Own Grave

Man is mans own slave

Digging his own grave

Every day

Soon we will all be gone

No one left

To sing our songs

Bad times are coming

My friend

We will all die

Together in the end

Mass extinction

It will be

You just wait

And see

The Hope That Died

I did see my hope

Slowly die in the

Cold and dark

Winter night

First it turned blue

And then red

In the end it quickly

Evaporated into the icy air

Leaving only me and the despair

Behind in the dark blue night

Slowly Dying

Moving around on

The frozen tundra

Along with the other

Lost soul who ended up here

In the far north

The place where you find

Yourself out of life and lust

Just empty cold days without

Meaning and hope

Travelling from work (if you have such a thing)

To home losing the last feelings of

Hope and Joy

Contagious

Life is like a fever,

it heats up your body and makes your sleep uneasy

I had life a long time before I lost it on my way to work

Now I am something in between

A good position with connections everywhere

In all the different earthly and spiritual regions

Like living in a soup-opera on LSD

 

The Dying Mind

I try to concentrate 
but the mind 
is not willing
is not working
I have pain
but is not a real
pain
and a bad 
headache
Trying to exercise 
my body 
But the mind is going
down again and again