Outside the Dream

Waking up is always painful

A meaningless

Interruption of the dream

Life is a form of suffering

Given to us

Not by a merciful God

But a punishment

For something unknown

Maybe we just happened

To be clay, available

To an almighty creator

Indifferent to us

Most of the time

A past time for an

All powerful force

Already bored

On Depression

Finding a book by the tree. Actually a quite useful book

“Depression in Context” it works with positive reinforcement

When we are trapped in a negative spiral it can be because

We do not get low levels positive reinforcement and therefore

Get stuck in feeling depressed or not even get out of the depression

Which makes us much more passive and limited. We do not get out in life

Meeting people and it becomes a circle that is much more limited then

What is needed.

Act

Outskirts

Driving around in the outskirts of Stockholm. The snow is gone but temperature is well below zero. Discovering unknown parts of the city is way of meditation. This is old Viking country filled with burial-grounds and runestones.

This is pagan and Christian landscape at the same time, churches built on places of pagan worship, messages telling the stories of death and suffering in Russia or Turkey. A lot of fortunes were made there by Vikings being mercenaries or tradesmen.

Our barren land could not feed everyone so the bravest and most desperate left long time ago. This is not a land to be happy in. That is not the nature of Sweden. Here you work and suffers in silence until you eventually die.

Creating A Story

Writing is working, trying to put a text together

Finding ways to understand reality in a different

Way. Describing the indescribable, creating new

Unknown worlds for the readers to venture into.

You don’t have to be an expert, journalist or writer

To do that, you just have to try. If you can’t write it

Tell your story to the public by recording it on “tape”

Or Video. A story has traditionally had a start, introducing

The characters and environment, after establishing those

Things something has to happen, the tension builds up

Until the grand finale. The climax is then replaced by a tune down

A conclusion, the hero goes unharmed after killing 50 bandits with

A shot gun, saving the girl and selling the dragon to the highest bidder.

That is storytelling a la Hollywood and it has it’s obvious limitations.

But it’s a way to start working with storytelling.

Writing a Blog

Writing is a hard thing. Being critical does not work. Sometimes one just have to improvise. Writing comes from writing and the more you do it, the better. Life is short and the thing we put energy into effect us profoundly they change our direction in life. The stage is empty and so is the floor. To write on the WordPress or Twitter is to enter the stage and start playing. The audience however I’d or small will show up eventually if they know that you are there and play their tone.

On Thinking Out of The Box

Sometimes one have to think the

Other way around, going in the

Wrong direction, In December I had been in

San Francisco the day were getting shorter and the

Weather colder, I had the option

To travel home or to go somewhere

Else, I went to Taiwan and realised

That I should be in that part of the world

Surviving Being a Partner to a Bipolar

Living with a bipolar partner can be very traumatic. All conflicts tend to be extreme. Whatever you are doing is completely wrong. You don’t deserve any credit for anything. No matter what you have done so far is never enough.

Then after that comes the change. She is so sorry for what happened and what she has done. Then there is a slight chance that you can agree on something. This agreement she might keep or not. But the that is s good start.

Once this pattern has repeated itself enough often. One start to adapt and create strategies for handling it. Eventually however it gets you and you can give up talking about your needs since they are not acceptable if he/ she does not feel well or is frustrated for one reason or another. It can be a family quarrel with a mother or something at work. You will have to carry the burden of that by being the target of aggression and merciless criticism for something completely different like putting the children to bed too late or in the “wrong ” way.

Shopping

The city is filled with people trying to sell you things, lifestyle, coke or their own life story (true or fake) The crazy art of selling nothing for something to someone. I try to avoid this place since I am out of money.

But new strange things happen and curiosity hunts the cat. A wonder formula for selling was being sold. Big audience of the same people hearing the same things as soo many times before. And then the disappointment of being there to listen on a 4 hour sales pitch.

Substance yes a little bit, credibility none. why does so many sales people trying to fool you? When I left the people of city had left and I did not buy a thing only enjoying the small green leafs on trees this late spring

 

The oracle

Once I went to the oracle for solution

Desperate and lonely I had to long searched

For answer from every profession on earth

Freezing in the cold I waited outside the cave

The oracle was fat and small, he had a man

Translating the wisdom from Korean to English

You are a very difficult case the oracle told me

And made some kind sound to let the spirits go away

His hands moved up and down my body while he made

Mysteries sounds after an hour the translator told me

Come back tomorrow he will have to rest now

The next morning I went back, the same process followed

A lot of movements and hushing. You are very complicated

background, very complex. The oracle says he can only

Liberate you to 30 per cent.,,

OK I thought, lightning the burden by 30 per cent is ok

So I let him make his ritual…

Did I become free? Well maybe 30 per cent is not enough

But I wished that he had taken the right part of my problem