The family is the most destructive way
To live if it is dysfunctional
Toxic and confrontationa,
There are so many patterns, way of being
That makes you shun away from
Being in the middle of contradicting
Desires and demand
Leaves the soul empty and neurotic
Striving for a better life
But the scars are deeply ingrained
And soon enough
You fine yourself in the smae
Or similar family patterns
But with new people
Time to break up again
Waking up is always painful
Interruption of the dream
Life is a form of suffering
Given to us
Not by a merciful God
But a punishment
For something unknown
Maybe we just happened
To be clay, available
To an almighty creator
Indifferent to us
Most of the time
A past time for an
All powerful force
Finding a book by the tree. Actually a quite useful book
“Depression in Context” it works with positive reinforcement
When we are trapped in a negative spiral it can be because
We do not get low levels positive reinforcement and therefore
Get stuck in feeling depressed or not even get out of the depression
Which makes us much more passive and limited. We do not get out in life
Meeting people and it becomes a circle that is much more limited then
What is needed.
Driving around in the outskirts of Stockholm. The snow is gone but temperature is well below zero. Discovering unknown parts of the city is way of meditation. This is old Viking country filled with burial-grounds and runestones.
This is pagan and Christian landscape at the same time, churches built on places of pagan worship, messages telling the stories of death and suffering in Russia or Turkey. A lot of fortunes were made there by Vikings being mercenaries or tradesmen.
Our barren land could not feed everyone so the bravest and most desperate left long time ago. This is not a land to be happy in. That is not the nature of Sweden. Here you work and suffers in silence until you eventually die.
Writing is working, trying to put a text together
Finding ways to understand reality in a different
Way. Describing the indescribable, creating new
Unknown worlds for the readers to venture into.
You don’t have to be an expert, journalist or writer
To do that, you just have to try. If you can’t write it
Tell your story to the public by recording it on “tape”
Or Video. A story has traditionally had a start, introducing
The characters and environment, after establishing those
Things something has to happen, the tension builds up
Until the grand finale. The climax is then replaced by a tune down
A conclusion, the hero goes unharmed after killing 50 bandits with
A shot gun, saving the girl and selling the dragon to the highest bidder.
That is storytelling a la Hollywood and it has it’s obvious limitations.
But it’s a way to start working with storytelling.
Where do we put the energy
How do we act to grow
I can see that what I give
Is what I get in one sense
Of the world
Writing is a hard thing. Being critical does not work. Sometimes one just have to improvise. Writing comes from writing and the more you do it, the better. Life is short and the thing we put energy into effect us profoundly they change our direction in life. The stage is empty and so is the floor. To write on the WordPress or Twitter is to enter the stage and start playing. The audience however I’d or small will show up eventually if they know that you are there and play their tone.
Sometimes one have to think the
Other way around, going in the
Wrong direction, In December I had been in
San Francisco the day were getting shorter and the
Weather colder, I had the option
To travel home or to go somewhere
Else, I went to Taiwan and realised
That I should be in that part of the world
Living with a bipolar partner can be very traumatic. All conflicts tend to be extreme. Whatever you are doing is completely wrong. You don’t deserve any credit for anything. No matter what you have done so far is never enough.
Then after that comes the change. She is so sorry for what happened and what she has done. Then there is a slight chance that you can agree on something. This agreement she might keep or not. But the that is s good start.
Once this pattern has repeated itself enough often. One start to adapt and create strategies for handling it. Eventually however it gets you and you can give up talking about your needs since they are not acceptable if he/ she does not feel well or is frustrated for one reason or another. It can be a family quarrel with a mother or something at work. You will have to carry the burden of that by being the target of aggression and merciless criticism for something completely different like putting the children to bed too late or in the “wrong ” way.
The city is filled with people trying to sell you things, lifestyle, coke or their own life story (true or fake) The crazy art of selling nothing for something to someone. I try to avoid this place since I am out of money.
But new strange things happen and curiosity hunts the cat. A wonder formula for selling was being sold. Big audience of the same people hearing the same things as soo many times before. And then the disappointment of being there to listen on a 4 hour sales pitch.
Substance yes a little bit, credibility none. why does so many sales people trying to fool you? When I left the people of city had left and I did not buy a thing only enjoying the small green leafs on trees this late spring