Disconnected

Running fast

Trying to forget

What happened

What I could not

Deal with

I disconnected myself

I did not know what

To say so

I did not say anything

Silencing opportunity

Now I have to climb

Up again from the pit

Hide Out

Fear and shames

Took me here

Hiding from

Everyone

Trying to erase

My existence

As much as

Possible

Failure is

Always

Unforgivable

I never try

Again

I always say

Returning

I live in the north

In the land of small hills

And a lot of trees

Some blue lakes

And a lot of lonely and cold people

I wanted to leave but somehow

I am stuck here

First time I went back it was, Because of the language

The second time because Of my career

The third time out of desperation

The fourth time out of frustration

The fifth time has not happened yet

But it will

This is life in the far north

A place where the ice and snow

Is absent

The place where your soul freezes to ice

Take my advice

Stay out

Failure and logic

Every time I fail

I feel the pain

Unable to change

Unable to move

Paralysis

Trying to meditate

But I do not find any peace of mind

I feel more and more frustrated

Will this be the rest of my life

Why do I not have the freedom of will

Keep on writing

Kavafy

IMG_0598When walking alone in the great city

I sometimes meet Kavafy,

Well dressed and wise

He tells me ancient truths from the library

You would have failed anywhere in the world

He tells me while smoking papyrus

In the moonlight by the water he is just a tiny shadow

Yes, my friend it is true

But I rather fall in a place with friends and better weather

Here I miss the sun half of the year

Let me choose where I lose my battles

Cascading transcendence

When I was young

I wanted to be strong and without fear

Fly all over the world with my wings

Instead I lost it all

Failed again and again

In my shame and grief

I hide in my cell

But the wound was painful, it went deep into the heart

I could not from the world stay apart

I had to repeat again and agin

What I could not do, I had to do

Again and again

And my life went into a loop

New people, new failures

To prove once and for all how bad I really am

But that was not end

I realized that I had to transcend

To see life from a different point of view

And play with a friend

And that was finally the end

Revolution Returns Reactionary

Today 43 years ago in another country

A revolution took place

The young had gotten tired of war

Tired of the old rule and wanted something new

What  type of new they wanted

That was not certain but something different

And everything changed

But not in a way anybody expected

Different yes, from a strong man with mad ideas

to a tired bureaucracy without vision or hope

From a poor people to not so poor people

From being a colonial power to being a province

In the great federation of old and tired people

Without courage

A victory for the revolution?

Yes, very much so for what could be better than

Growing your own garden under the sun

Uneven

This is an uneven fight
I know I can’t win
I know this
Falling on all levels
Failing to make my
Life working
But it doesn’t matter
I have to try
Again and again