Scheme

Illusions are great

I am making

A Ponzi scheme

For myself borrowing

Resources of the future

In the vain hope of getting

My life back later

It is working at the moment

A plan

Building for the future

A future or some futures

That has past

Planning to be prepared

For what already

Happened

Midnight

It is always a future

But not a bright one

Loss of hope

Loss of love

Loss of me

Starting to prepare

Just having to choose my exit

Setting the time

The morning has long past

I am now living in the future,

It sounds like a bad movie, but everything is the same

Just different characters in the roles

And I am in the place that I always feared

Lonely, without real friends but busy taking

Care about children and mentally ill people

Most of the time, It fills my mind and I am trapped

No energy for something else than that

I will never succeed in any way

Because anxiety takes the most irrational ways

It has to go somewhere and now it takes

The energy from making a living

Slowly I am being strangled

She promised she would never let me go

And I stay as always for too long

 

 

 

Loneliness

So here I am again
in this room
In this place
filled with 
young students
aspiring the good life
and succes 
since my future already past
and is gone this does not
worry me so much
I will be whatever it will be