The Great Fire

The time is not certain

Neither is the place

Where the fire started

Where everything went south

We blame everyone, including

Eachother

Playing the blame game

That no one will ever win

Mishaps

I did not know if I did

Anything wrong or

Just happened

To be in her way

Everything from that point on

Was my fault

Again and again

For the last ten years

What an awful way

To waste ones life

A Fake Life

To live without an income

Is to live in the shadow

Of other people’s money

Their will and their whim

Moves you around like

A puppet

The shame is great enough

To kill you, through you

In front of a train or tram

Instead you hide

Building a fake identity

That eventually becomes

What you are

Not solving, just hiding

Because the shame

Is so great

Where to start from that?

The Angry Man

Sleepless nights like this

My thoughts goes out to

My dead father

He used to blame me

For our bad relationship

I was not thankful enough

But life is not a gift but a

Punishment

Why should I be thankful

For being punished?

I pity that lonely angry man

Still alive somewhere

Inside my head

Creative Reality

Realizing that I create my own

Limits and stops

Partly is my own thinking

Partly the circumstances

Partly the struggle with

My own feeling of guilt

This life is not my life

It is my life but I am so

Tired feeling bad

But trying to understand

What I feel

Debt

Guilt is such a precious thing

Kept and taken care of

Grown by those who need

Control over other

A high price to pay

A prison for the those

Who carries the mantle

Of shame

Hide Out

Fear and shames

Took me here

Hiding from

Everyone

Trying to erase

My existence

As much as

Possible

Failure is

Always

Unforgivable

I never try

Again

I always say

Path

Trying to block 
the pain
present and far away
in the same time
time and energy
lost spaces
lost life 
breathing 
in and out
running around
in and about
trying to seal, comfort, forget,
run, close off 

I am not free
a slave of 
tradition 
a slave of
feeling guilt