Struggle

Fighting the pain,

The fear and self-contempt

All the lost time, all the lost tears

All emotions repressed

In order to survive

And now when life is almost gone

Another try to get out of this cycle

The Fear

Being near any of your fears

Gives for a short moment

An enormous energy

Getting older makes time

Going faster because

You stop feeling as intensely

Confronting strong feelings

On Hatred

Hatred is a good feeling

Making you feel alive

And strong,

Taking quick and swift action

Demanding action

Like a wild horse

Still this is madness

True madness

But reason is limited

And maims the soul

A dangerous contradiction

To be handle with like a

Conundrum

Late a night with care

On Hatred

Manipulations and cowardly acting

Finally the betrayal of your children

Denying the problem

Causing frustration and

Hatred without retreat or reflection

No solutions seems possible

Pointless resistance

Lost battles and

Humiliation

There you have

A recipe for

Eternal conflicts

Scream and Hatred for Breakfast

The scream woke me up

What the hell the voice said

You are so lazy the voice said

Now I go

Confused and tired

I opened my eyes

She hated me

And left me with the children

Watching bad cartoons on TV

Today I started

To contemplate

Suicide as an option

If I don’t get out of here

The grey cold place

That is my so cold home

It’s just that I don’t want to die here

No meaning what so ever

I want to die in the sun

Feeling redemption and hope

But life goes on without meaning

Or purpose

The environment here is slowly

Breaking me down

Piece by piece

Just the writing keeps me going

For a while

Revenge

To forgive is not easily done

Memories comes back

The perpetrator well off rich

Do not regret but celebrate

His act still after thirty years

The memory remains

An open wound

I don’t love, I do not hate

I realize that

I will not make it

I messed it up

I do not seek to forgive

I do not seek forgiveness

Anymore, just strength

To make it through

The day