Coming Out

Playing the game of being

In the world

Being social,

Almost normal

While my mind is hiding

Changing course quickly

Like a supertanker

Turning

Introvert

The winter has returned

Strong winds and a grey sky

I don’t answer the phone

Loneliness is a great quality

Between nature and man

Outside I become something

Completely different

The inner journey doesn’t care

For money, sleep or food, just

Going on and on

Turning Inside

As the snow keeps falling

Things get worse

Turning away from the

Difficult things that are

Caused by the inner struggle

Between adaption and

Self realization

Being introverted as part of

The dying process

Turning away from friends

Seeing no meaning of talking

Failed going to Holland

Did not dare to use my last money,

No loan, no friends, no confidence

Telling anyone

Ambivalent of the consequences

When borrowing money from

My daughter, turning the

parent-daughter relation

Upside down, just wanted

To feel well, feel my power

Inner strength, to laugh and

Get away from the self destructive

Existence called reality

My bad reality someone else’s

Dream a paradox, being told

That what you do is bad every day

Kills your senses and self respect

Presense

Inside myself

Inside my mind

Outside

The other people

Around me

Function and dysfunction

All around

This does not matter

Because I am here now

For good or bad in

This dreamy world

Of gray clouds

Unbalanced

Listening to the sounds of the house

Water flowing through pipes

Dinner being made

Children playing

The murmur of  a YouTube channel

I am there and in the same time at a distance

Taking part and observing

Losing distance depletes me

Being distant means falling into my

Own ocean of dreams and circular journeys

Where is balance to be found?