Retreat

The days are short

In the north

More like a combined

Dawn and dusk

Creating a depressive

Mode of inaction

Retreating and defeats

Is in my mind

Lost causes and cold very

Cold nights

Setting the time

The morning has long past

I am now living in the future,

It sounds like a bad movie, but everything is the same

Just different characters in the roles

And I am in the place that I always feared

Lonely, without real friends but busy taking

Care about children and mentally ill people

Most of the time, It fills my mind and I am trapped

No energy for something else than that

I will never succeed in any way

Because anxiety takes the most irrational ways

It has to go somewhere and now it takes

The energy from making a living

Slowly I am being strangled

She promised she would never let me go

And I stay as always for too long

 

 

 

Cascading failure

Feeling bad and crazy

I manage to repeat

My failure today again

Frustration and shame

Is so hard to carry around

I wish that  was Different

But time past is time lost

Only the long days will ease

The pain

Losing yourself

I did not know that life could be so slow

When I was young

I did not understand that I was going to make my own nightmares come true

I could feel it but I did not listen to myself

Twenty five years later, Here I am trapped

Into a roleplay, I am always the loser making other people’s silly dreams come true

Other people’s agenda is ruling my life

Every day I fight either to change or to survive

Another day but time is running out and soon it will not matter anymore

I wish to leave it all behind and walk like a man free of burden feeling the warm sand under my feet and hear the eternal roar of angry waves hitting the stones at midnight

Knowledge

Confused and very tired

Trying to fight the sleep

Looking out the window

And the day is bleak

Trying to pull myself together

Trying to do the things I don´t like

Feeling like i am being fooled

But by whom?

By them, you, me or life itself?

I do not know

The only thing that I do know

This very gray day

Is that I can learn

But only what I can accommodate

In my very tired mind

Habits

All those meaningless things

That I fought s on hard for

I am getting used to losing

My power, hope and energy

What else could I do

Then to let the loss

Become a habit