Middle Earth Life

What is the meaning

Of my life, just a jittery

Scheme of

Confusion and frustration

Long days of working

Eternal conflicts about

Trivial things or

Extreme anxiety and the

Need to create conflicts

Frustration and patterns

That repeat themselves

Eternal

On Life

I wanted life

To be more

Than survival

Just not make it

Through the day

But to have

Something to

Live for and

Being able to

Change

A Circle

Trying to find

A solution

As I have done

My whole life

Meaning and

The lack of meaning

Waiting to return

Back to point zero

For another cycle

On Life

Life demands courage

To be bearable

Suicide demands

Even more courage

To be doable

Therefore the

Paradox of

Living

Without

Hope or will

Just let life

Go on and on

No Control of Anything

I am not in control of anything

Not even my self, my emotion

Only in some way my intentions

There is no meaning in life

When you have no power

And have to fight yourself as well

As the other people around you

In the tower

Hiding in my tower

Not willing to change

Not willing to step out in life

Just watching life passing by

The river runs just below

That is what is now

Soon I will be gone

So what is the point

What will set me free

What is freedom?

IMG_3033

Rubble

Producing a lot of thoughts

Running around in circles

While I being told how bad I am

In every way by the one I once loved

So dearly, the children in their own

World playing outside only their

Older brother listening,

Trying to mitigate between us

And our hateful tirades

It is me that is leaving

Seeing no hope

What so ever

I hate this life

And still being part

Makes it no

Easier

Only the sleep

Will relieve me

Eventually

Stones

There could be other ways

You are important

Just because

Or not

Do not define me

Or my importance

I am just like the stones

Temporary here for a

Very long time

Against the wind

Out in the wind again

Fighting the rain and the feeling

of hopelessness

But since I know the future

The meaning of fighting

Has been lost

Everything I avoid I recive

Everything I crave, I lose

Nothing, nothing

Will ever come clear

From that curse

And in the end

It does not matter

Anymore