Letter From a Codependent Madmanæ

I just don’t know

I just can’t tell

The difference

Living with someone

That makes you lose

Your mind in the deep blue dawn consciousness

A Saturday afternoon in January

Slowly losing your consciousness, your clothes,

Your things, your money and eventually your life

Fighting and losing all the time

Finally you see this as

Interpretations of reality

Am I mentally ill or

In a situation where I lost perception of reality

My ability to say no, to feel

And know what I feel

All that stress makes me crazy

But is it in me or around me

Where do I end and she starts?

Everyday I have to do this, this and this

Because she is so stressed reading the newspaper in sofa for a far to long time

She is not able to deal with everyday life of cleaning, making food, planing

It is all so stressful for her so it all have to wait until the very last moment

While we around her cover up

Codependent is a good word

Codependent of what?

Our Being

Silence is a good thing

It makes us listen

To our selves

Whatever we hear in

The silence

Our angst, circular thinking

Leftover memories.

Let it be

Just listen beyond that

Noise

Change

Change is a beautiful thing

And in the same time

A nightmare messing

Up our life, destroying

Safe comfort zones

Moving into the light

What once was hidden

Hiding things that once

Was in the open

Ending ever ongoing

Time, Mind and Action

Time is a precious commodity

Bought and sold at different

Prices, lost time is forever lost

In time, action taken and

Finally forgotten

Our minds and memories changing

Talkative silence in our head

Whatever once was there is no more

My actions will eventually change

Adopting to the mind of the moment

Without my consent or with my consent

Frantic

Radiant fragrance

Coming to life

Late in the afternoon

A will to live instead

Of dying slowly

Rather a quick death

Than fading away

Intensity as a way

To cover up

Mediocracy

Retribution of investments

Way, way to go

Monday too

Writing to find peace of mind

Only finding anxiety and pain

I did what I had to do

Or not

I do not know

Just feeling frustration of existing

In the wrong place and time

Mind, soul and body

Quiet night, the reality is far away

I do not need to engage in anything

Create and listen, write, think

Ensemble myself together again

I am a little bit more me now

And it is ok

Soon I will lose myself again

But for the moment

I am more spirit than body