They Are You

Midnight hits hard

All the nightmares

Are here

Remembering you about

The other people’s war

But now

They are inside your head

You are them

They are you

Sharing the mind

A collective memory

In your dreams

Being the receiver

Is painful and cruel

All those stories

In your head

People screaming, suffering and dying

While you are in bed

Night after night

Please relieve me

From being me

Run Rerun Return Repeat

The mind runs around

In circles

While the body still sleeps

Visiting the same places

Again and agin in the

Dream

Life was hard on me

Creating wounds

That will not heal

In a lifetime

Still every day

We, me and my body

Get up, go to work

Fight the fights of the day

And return home

In order to rerun

The show in perpetual pattern

That is what life is a show

But no one is watching

No one really cares

We are just machinery

And decoration sometimes

Only at night do we

Leave on vacation

Insights

The body feels

Lonely

Just as the mind

A sad collection

Of muscles, movements

And memories

I did not ask for this

Still I am here

Unable to move

Beyond the memories

Of past trauma

What I once was

Sliding

Back in the bad place

Where I don’t want to be

Sliding down towards

Being nice and pleasant

Hiding the problem and

Frustration

As much as possible

If I can stop that fall

I can do anything

I want

Family

Shame and guilt

For failing to succeed

Failing to be viable

Causing distress and sorrow

Just standing in the shadow

While the happy ones

Throw rocks and insults

Grey Days

Cleaning out the pain

The loss,

Humiliation

Being asked to accept

Being declared sick and incompetent

By the people I trusted and loved

Just nothingness and a realisation

That everything will get worse

In the autumn