Abusive

When you live in an abusive relationship

You always have to be prepared to take

Physical or psychological beating

Whenever your partner is frustrated

And you never get use to it.

On Suicide

Once upon a time my grandmother

Tried to commit suicide

She swallowed a huge

Number of yellow pills

That my mother had

Prescribed to her

As the good doctor and daughter

She was at the time

Sleeping pills

My grandfather found her

In bed with the faded light

And traffic noise from

The street below

On a winter afternoon

I was about ten at the time

My mother told me that

It was not my fault

Not so much, just a little

And any way the pills

Would not kill her

Most to blame was my grandfather

Who did not fulfill her wish

Of the perfect summerhouse

I kept those words in memory

Creating new disasters in

The far future

That is now

Letter From a Codependent Madmanæ

I just don’t know

I just can’t tell

The difference

Living with someone

That makes you lose

Your mind in the deep blue dawn consciousness

A Saturday afternoon in January

Slowly losing your consciousness, your clothes,

Your things, your money and eventually your life

Fighting and losing all the time

Finally you see this as

Interpretations of reality

Am I mentally ill or

In a situation where I lost perception of reality

My ability to say no, to feel

And know what I feel

All that stress makes me crazy

But is it in me or around me

Where do I end and she starts?

Everyday I have to do this, this and this

Because she is so stressed reading the newspaper in sofa for a far to long time

She is not able to deal with everyday life of cleaning, making food, planing

It is all so stressful for her so it all have to wait until the very last moment

While we around her cover up

Codependent is a good word

Codependent of what?

Decompose Your Past Now

To change is to die a little bit

The bitter taste of wasted time

Sunken costs stench

In your nose

Like burned tires or rotten meat

You had the time

And now you need to

Destroy your past

Burn it all down

While sobbing and getting drunk

On old whisky

The love you had

Has decomposed

You will never be compensated

Forget it all

And let the madness

Take hold of you

Go to the nearest beach

And dip your toes into.

The water

Whatever the temperature

Just do not stay there

Go on and on and on again

And I promise that you will thrive

In the ice cold world that man created

For himself and his lonely God

No Home

Travel across the sea

On the way to home

There was no home

Anymore only

Battlefields everywhere

Life is a terrible place

Whether in war or peace

Fighting is always lost

In the end

Revenge

To forgive is not easily done

Memories comes back

The perpetrator well off rich

Do not regret but celebrate

His act still after thirty years

The memory remains

An open wound

I don’t love, I do not hate

I realize that

I will not make it

I messed it up

I do not seek to forgive

I do not seek forgiveness

Anymore, just strength

To make it through

The day