Grey Days

Cleaning out the pain

The loss,

Humiliation

Being asked to accept

Being declared sick and incompetent

By the people I trusted and loved

Just nothingness and a realisation

That everything will get worse

In the autumn

Locked

Confused and tired

The mind locks itself

Confronted with

The leftovers

Of a long life

Just the dream

Of a better life

Remains

Writers Pain

Every time you

Write is a painful

Process

The words and subject

Do not come easy

They just come

With a lot of pain

And agony

But eventually

The words turn

To meaning

Letters to text

At a high price

Shaming

So the story goes

My friend has been shamed

On the internet tribune

There is no justice

Anymore, just opinions

Anyone, anywhere

With or without reason

Entertainment for the masses

Destruction for the community

But life is more than that

Or not

Afternoon

I am bleeding

Losing energy

All the time

Soon it will

All be over

Did not manage

To solve the riddle

Of being me

Pacified and blocked

No solution in sight

Only the sun is higher

Every day in the sky

Nightmare Territory

The day has turned into night

The evening was filled with

Frustration and fear

The options are few

When anxiety looms

At every conversation

When your friends

Becomes a foe

Again and again

Dysfunctional patterns

Repeating themselves forever and ever

In a very dull pattern

I will not save my self

But suffer, fail and die

As this is what I am supposed to do

Repeating generations of tragedy

The earth is black, the soil brown

Clay underneath and at the bottom

The hard solid rock

The Angry Man

Sleepless nights like this

My thoughts goes out to

My dead father

He used to blame me

For our bad relationship

I was not thankful enough

But life is not a gift but a

Punishment

Why should I be thankful

For being punished?

I pity that lonely angry man

Still alive somewhere

Inside my head

Hiding Away

Life includes hope and hatred

Strong feelings tearing you apart

Looked into my own mind

I try to avoid contacts with

Other humans as much

As I can

In order to work with the fragments

That once was the functioning me

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