One Gray Day

After being abused and used

So many times,

Manipulated

Again and again, my sight

Was clear watching the

Devastated landscape

That once was my life

Not realising that

Goodness is the road to hell

I thought that love would

Heal her wounds but

Trashed people trashes you

And eventually destroys

What they have and love

Here I am trapped by

Doing what I learned

Was right,

That turned out

To be an illusion

So i left

Found other people

Crazy in their own

Ways

And I stand here one year later

Now knowing

Where to start

Just fearing that the way

Is endless

Hell

Hell has its certain flavour

Tastes and fragrance

I am here all the time

Now

Hell is not a hot place

Hell is not a cold place

Hell is absence

Absence of love

Absence of hope

I have been here

Too long

But as an intellectual

It is quite entertaining

Cold sense works

No Pardon

Watching the world

Passing by

Quickly without pardon

Running along

Trying to catch up

But that is a failed race

I am a failure

Just like you

My friend I am going to perish

Into the the sea of forgotten

Memories and things

Night Fights

The long dark night is here

Agony and fear being present

Waking me up

In the hour of the wolf

Half awake

I am in my bed and cannot run

Freezing in panic

While the monster

Approaches

Opening my eyes

To face the end

But all I see is

The empty void

Of every day life

The dark room and

The warm balmy air

Surrounding me

Telling me not to fear

What is not

Outsider

I am not like you

Therefore you despise me

Being thrown out again and again

From our common room

Fighting against the wind

I return again to look

At you the insiders

Living like animals

In a cage

Letter From a Codependent Madmanæ

I just don’t know

I just can’t tell

The difference

Living with someone

That makes you lose

Your mind in the deep blue dawn consciousness

A Saturday afternoon in January

Slowly losing your consciousness, your clothes,

Your things, your money and eventually your life

Fighting and losing all the time

Finally you see this as

Interpretations of reality

Am I mentally ill or

In a situation where I lost perception of reality

My ability to say no, to feel

And know what I feel

All that stress makes me crazy

But is it in me or around me

Where do I end and she starts?

Everyday I have to do this, this and this

Because she is so stressed reading the newspaper in sofa for a far to long time

She is not able to deal with everyday life of cleaning, making food, planing

It is all so stressful for her so it all have to wait until the very last moment

While we around her cover up

Codependent is a good word

Codependent of what?

Monsters

Fighting unlikely monsters at night

In my mind

They have strange shapes and forms

No peace of mind

And speaks my language

Only agony remains here

The end not in sight

That’s it

But not quite

Hollow creatures

Moving up and down

The walls of my cell

Prisoner of the mind

Chained to a surreal reality

That might exist

Or not

Winter nights

The winter night is cold

Promises nothing

Only cold feets

And silence

We are waiting

We will wait for a long time

Before the cold spring light

Enters this room

Why

What am I doing now?

Why am I here?

No answers,

Only questions!

That are failing their purpose

That are failing their meaning

I am alone in this world

And so are you

In the end

But until then

Let us meet

Somewhere

In between the extremes