Morning Issues

In the early hours of

Morning, I woke up

Writing

Again and again

misplacing important things

Trying to creat a structure

For

Dealing with the most painful

Things in my life

Debt, conflict

Unresolved Issues

Maturing trying to get

Out of the cave

Starting to feel

The inner strength

This is magic in it’s

Purest form

Dealing With It All

For a long time

I was Striving to avoid

Dealing with

All the problems

They were so many,

So complicated,

And foremost,

They involved conflicts

Negotiations with other

That I felt so indebted to

But most of all it meant

That wiping up the dust

Making life more unpleasant

Than it already was

In the end

I realised that it wouldn’t matter

And my bad life

Would stay so bad

If I did not try to

Deal and solve

The problem

I am the Problem

The problem is rising

It is me

And I cannot solve it

Since I am the very problem

But for whom?

Well,

If I do I will die

Since I am the problem

I am not me

I am the problem

The trash that you

Stash away

You don’t like me

You will have more of me

Solve me and I melt away

Like snow a sunny day

It seems like an insurmountable

Gigantic iceberg that has

Taken over my mind and soul

Cannot do it

I will not do it

Only escape the pain

That has been my life

Part of my life for so long

Looked up, looked in

And eventually I will

Succumb

Or just melt away

And appear in a different

Form and not what I

Once was

A problem

Problems Pro Solution

Problem that exist

That I have to do

Something about

Problem that don’t exist

But that I believe that

I have to do something about

Problems that I am not aware of and

Therefore do not act on

Something that is not a problem

But joy that I forgot

While

Thinking on all

Those

Problems

Tired

I am so tired

The energy is gone

I am not tired

To hear that I got so much

Problem

I am tired of being owned by others

Defining me

I will rise

To Let Go

For a long time I waited

In the middle of life

For the salvation but only got

Denunciation

Realizing I would

Never reach my goal

And that the storm

would not let me Go,

I had to let go and live

The best way I could and that

 

Not the talkative psychologist

Or the medicating psychiatrist

Nor the compassionate old lady

Next door had any answer to give

 

Seeing

Trying to keep an blind eye

Still I know

That everything I do is borrowed time

I have to face the danger or not face it all

Keeping a blinders on

To deal with the problems is so important

That it

Spring depression

Every spring is the same feeling

Depression, depression and frustration

It always comes in April

Feeling like a failure and frustrated like crazy

I am on the same place every year

Trying to cope and handle

Fight not to kill myself

Falling apart and

Slowly healing in the summer

Save me from those feelings

But nature has its way