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Circle of Actions

The black darkness

Of being different

Defined as sick and crazy

– Go and get help

I don’t want to deal

With it, she said

There are no solutions

To your problems

Only me and my problems

Are solvable she continued

– I have no patterns I just keep

On repeating myself again

And again, that’s all

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A Shaky Reality

So we are back again,

Back to crazy accusations

Defining me as mentally ill,

Because i did not change my daughters dipers

Did not brush her teeth before bedtime because

She was to tired

I have to get a diagnose by a psychiatrist

Because of this

Trying to keep up, stay focused

This is a hard thing

Working to get back my energy

I don’t trust people anymore

This has been to much living together

With people that define you as mad

When they have problem to keep themselves

Together

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Missing out

Trapped in the duty of caring

For children that are mine

And a bad relationship

That are also mine

I wake up at night with

The feeling of being choked

To death slowly but surly

Only the early birds singing

Like they are lost in the forest gives

Some remorse

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Father

You come back to

His house in the woods

And it is just the same

Nothing has changed

He will stay the same

Being hypocritical criticising

My mothers family even though

They been separated for over 45 years

I am still his young and sloppy son

Even though being an old bald man

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Differences

We are in conflict

So let us never talk again

Let us avoid each other

Forever

Hold our grudges to ourselves

Hide in our safe spaces

Until we root and get eaten

By our own stupidity

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A Fake Life

To live without an income

Is to live in the shadow

Of other people’s money

Their will and their whim

Moves you around like

A puppet

The shame is great enough

To kill you, through you

In front of a train or tram

Instead you hide

Building a fake identity

That eventually becomes

What you are

Not solving, just hiding

Because the shame

Is so great

Where to start from that?

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Broken Mind

Working with difficult matters

I lost my strength

Trying to lift heavy things

With a broken arm

But a life without love

Is always hard to stand

That fills up my time and thoughts

There are no solutions,

No easy way out,

breaking up is hard

Staying is also hard,