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Run Away

When things are so bad

That you can not stay

Focused and everything

Is so sad

That you cannot live anymore

You are looking for the door

To another life or no life

At all

Then is time to get away

Run far away

Before you are getting

Killed or kill yourself

Just by accident

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To Live Or Die

Somehow lost

Somehow gone

And

Somehow still here

A day in the middle of life

Trying to become sane

Not losing my head

Cannot solve the riddle

Being between

What I need and

What I ought to do

Life is lost only the long road

Of dying remains if I stay

Life is gained but only

Loneliness remains

Have nothing to say

This is life in a dysfunctional family

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Still Today

To live we

Have to recreate by

Finding meaning in lost

Words and fragments

From another era

When things tended to

Be good and easy

This is over, over

The good and easy

Is the reason for

Why we suffer

And why we are

Still alive today

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A Fake Life

To live without an income

Is to live in the shadow

Of other people’s money

Their will and their whim

Moves you around like

A puppet

The shame is great enough

To kill you, through you

In front of a train or tram

Instead you hide

Building a fake identity

That eventually becomes

What you are

Not solving, just hiding

Because the shame

Is so great

Where to start from that?

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Only That

I don’t want to break down

Or commit suicid

I don’t want to fight

I don’t want to hate

Someone I only want

To live

My life

Have an economy

That works

Not losing

Money every day

Only thar

Nothing more

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Alone

Life is more or less

Allways a struggle

I am fighting

All the time

And most of the time

It is inside me

Alone with the thoughts

Running around like mad

Rabbits in a cage

To find their way out

I am a broken man

I am broke

No money, no hope

Contemplating suicide

Not a bad idea after all

Inside and outside

Life is shit

Rotten tubers

Life as a

Decomposing fruit

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Suburban Hell

This is like living in hell

This is hell

Welcome

Welcome to the slow death

Between clean sheets and blackened windows

Welcome to die my friend

Here you will not by war

Only by the war in the mind

Here it does not matter

Here you do not matter

Here nothing is important

Except

Safety, security, profit

For the wealthy

Here we found the solution

To everything

But never mind

Welcome to white hell of the north

Were the sun loses its heat

And the hope is deep frozen

Welcome to our emotional tundra

Forever and ever

This will not change

Never mind the summer

Or the heat wave

We conquer the human mind
We have all the answers

Welcome to our pleasant hell

In the north

We are so good here

We do everything right by the book

Here in Hellville

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Scream and Hatred for Breakfast

The scream woke me up

What the hell the voice said

You are so lazy the voice said

Now I go

Confused and tired

I opened my eyes

She hated me

And left me with the children

Watching bad cartoons on TV

Today I started

To contemplate

Suicide as an option

If I don’t get out of here

The grey cold place

That is my so cold home

It’s just that I don’t want to die here

No meaning what so ever

I want to die in the sun

Feeling redemption and hope

But life goes on without meaning

Or purpose

The environment here is slowly

Breaking me down

Piece by piece

Just the writing keeps me going

For a while

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On Suicide

Once upon a time my grandmother

Tried to commit suicide

She swallowed a huge

Number of yellow pills

That my mother had

Prescribed to her

As the good doctor and daughter

She was at the time

Sleeping pills

My grandfather found her

In bed with the faded light

And traffic noise from

The street below

On a winter afternoon

I was about ten at the time

My mother told me that

It was not my fault

Not so much, just a little

And any way the pills

Would not kill her

Most to blame was my grandfather

Who did not fulfill her wish

Of the perfect summerhouse

I kept those words in memory

Creating new disasters in

The far future

That is now

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One Gray Day

After being abused and used

So many times,

Manipulated

Again and again, my sight

Was clear watching the

Devastated landscape

That once was my life

Not realising that

Goodness is the road to hell

I thought that love would

Heal her wounds but

Trashed people trashes you

And eventually destroys

What they have and love

Here I am trapped by

Doing what I learned

Was right,

That turned out

To be an illusion

So i left

Found other people

Crazy in their own

Ways

And I stand here one year later

Now knowing

Where to start

Just fearing that the way

Is endless