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Endnotes

So here we are again

Wanted by nobody

A wasted state of mind

Why do we exist?

There is no meaning to life

No meaning at all

What so ever

Soon we will be gone

Forever forgotten

Leaving this empty world

Behind us

We was never meant to be

Soon we will not be anymore

And it does not matter

Happy not to share

Another day on earth

With you all

There is no meaning in being

Just a meaningless life

Soon we will all be gone

Soon we will all self-destruct

Maybe the stupidest of us

Will eventually survive

Darwins principle

The survival of the stupidest

I don’t want to be part of this world anymore

The world doesn’t care

The world should not care

Please let a merciful God

Destroy us all efficiently

painlessly with pleasure

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In The Darkest Hour

Life is pain

I said to myself

Just a lot of suffering

No meaning to it really

I thought

Trying to topple the grief

In my closed world

Avoiding any encouragement

To live on

Still in the middle of all that

Darkness some glimmer

Of hope lived on

And on

Keeping me alive throughout

The yearlong winter

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Another War

There is no place for me here

Have to find another one

Another space, another situation

We have to make a change

I have to change

It is not easy

When the mind is not with you

But against you

It is a civil war

Within

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The Same Spring

Every spring is the same

My life is a great failure in every way

Planning to leave it all behind

Looking for methods, places and reasons

So I am sorry this is not working

Anymore

Still I go on

Event

Every year I climb

Out of this hole

Only to fall in it again

Every autumn

When the dark world

Returns

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The Spring Snow

Waiting for things

To end well or not

Life has long time ago

Lost its meaning

I just exist out of defiance

Against my country

That despises me

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Cold Spring

Planning my own

Suicide

Avoiding the worst

Ways of doing it

To go away

Requires planning

And relevant techniques

After a while

The insight that I am not ready

Slips through all the anxiety and pain

I return to the bleak sunlight

At spring biding my time

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Ways To End

Contemplating the many different ways to die

I could not make up my mind

Which one to choose

Anyone would be fine

But some more painful

Than others

This paralyzed the mind

And this mindless limbo continued

Until dusk

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To End It All

When I give up

I do it

The whole way

Just until

I am ready

To kill my self

Then I stop

Taking the

Very long and troublesome

Way back

Each time a little harder