On Life

Life demands courage

To be bearable

Suicide demands

Even more courage

To be doable

Therefore the

Paradox of

Living

Without

Hope or will

Just let life

Go on and on

Going Down

I cannot save my world

Again I am into a battle

Against my self

I know what I want

But me, myself and I

cant do anything

To ever get there

Let it go down

Let it go down

I lost my soul

That I never had

One Gray Day

After being abused and used

So many times, manipulated

Again and again, my sight

Was clear watching the

Devastated landscape

That once was my life

Goodness is the road to hell

I thought that love would

Heal her wounds but

Trashed people trashes you

And eventually destroys

What they have

Here I am trapped by

Doing what I learned

Was right, turned out

To be an illusion

I stand here

Not knowing

Where to start

 

 

Sinking In

When the energy is lost

You sink into the coma of

Self-reflection steering into that

Strange mirage that pretend to be you

The turbid picture makes a strange impression

Depression and self-pity combined with

Contempt is acid for the soul

Even mindless drinking is better than that

Our mind is constructed with the Thanatos

In mind creating the option of suicide quick

Or slow that takes decades

Only mad action can cure that

The State of Sweden

Like it is not easy to know

I opened my eyes

And realize that the man

That I used to know

Had killed himself

Half a year ago

He had a son

That played harmonica

At his funeral

All his friends and foes

Wrote how sorry

They were

And that his suicide

And that it had left a scar

I once met him in a bar

He told me how his life

Had turned sour

Losing control

And the right to see his son

Not even speak on the phone

Attachment is for fouls

They will easy take away

Their pray and your

Beloved whatever

I know that if I care

To much

My soul will be touched

When they take my children

Away

In the Valley of Darkness

Life in all its variety

Is a prisma of suffering

In one way or the other

Trying to go

When its as darkest

So I don’t need

To feel any hope

When the light

Return

Hope

Returns

Eventually

Annihilation

Life feels like a cave

Dark creatures climbing

On green walls filled

With moisture

A lot of life and in the same

Time no life at all

It is wet and cold here

And the silence is so

Telling

Everything is pointed

To annihilation

The hope is long gone

Your choice is how to die

Quick death or the long way

Of aging into obliteration

Frantic

Radiant fragrance

Coming to life

Late in the afternoon

A will to live instead

Of dying slowly

Rather a quick death

Than fading away

Intensity as a way

To cover up

Mediocracy

Retribution of investments

Way, way to go

December mood

Being cold is a condition

Not ever leaving your mind and soul

Missing the daylight and the hope of a better life

I never had my chance, never ever

That’s ok I’ll leave this world knowing

My life should never have been

I leave humankind to solve its

Own problem

While a little life survives

In dry tubers

Regrets

Sometimes, Actually

Every day I regret

That I am still

Alive

Surviving has no meaning

In itself

No, only when you believe

In a meaning

But life is mostly suffering

For me

Maybe not for you

Life is an exercise in power

Control and most of all

Being without power

I lost control,

I lost power,

I carry the enemy within

Everywhere I go

Resistance is useless

But necessary

Even though it will

Cost me my own

Life, eventually