When I give up
I do it
The whole way
Just until
I am ready
To kill my self
Then I stop
Taking the
Very long and troublesome
Way back
Each time a little harder
To End It All
Another Day
Trying not to kill myself
Staying alive
Without a real life
Pretending meaning and hope
Everyday the same
Until the end of days
I fail and continue to fail
Life here is like that
Life there will be like that
One cannot escape oneself
Trapped
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Run Away
When things are so bad
That you can not stay
Focused and everything
Is so sad
That you cannot live anymore
You are looking for the door
To another life or no life
At all
Then is time to get away
Run far away
Before you are getting
Killed or kill yourself
Just by accident
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To Live Or Die
Somehow lost
Somehow gone
And
Somehow still here
A day in the middle of life
Trying to become sane
Not losing my head
Cannot solve the riddle
Being between
What I need and
What I ought to do
Life is lost only the long road
Of dying remains if I stay
Life is gained but only
Loneliness remains
Have nothing to say
This is life in a dysfunctional family
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Still Today
To live we
Have to recreate by
Finding meaning in lost
Words and fragments
From another era
When things tended to
Be good and easy
This is over, over
The good and easy
Is the reason for
Why we suffer
And why we are
Still alive today
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A Fake Life
To live without an income
Is to live in the shadow
Of other people’s money
Their will and their whim
Moves you around like
A puppet
The shame is great enough
To kill you, through you
In front of a train or tram
Instead you hide
Building a fake identity
That eventually becomes
What you are
Not solving, just hiding
Because the shame
Is so great
Where to start from that?
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Only That
I don’t want to break down
Or commit suicid
I don’t want to fight
I don’t want to hate
Someone I only want
To live
My life
Have an economy
That works
Not losing
Money every day
Only thar
Nothing more
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Alone
Life is more or less
Allways a struggle
I am fighting
All the time
And most of the time
It is inside me
Alone with the thoughts
Running around like mad
Rabbits in a cage
To find their way out
I am a broken man
I am broke
No money, no hope
Contemplating suicide
Not a bad idea after all
Inside and outside
Life is shit
Rotten tubers
Life as a
Decomposing fruit
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Suburban Hell
This is like living in hell
This is hell
Welcome
Welcome to the slow death
Between clean sheets and blackened windows
Welcome to die my friend
Here you will not by war
Only by the war in the mind
Here it does not matter
Here you do not matter
Here nothing is important
Except
Safety, security, profit
For the wealthy
Here we found the solution
To everything
But never mind
Welcome to white hell of the north
Were the sun loses its heat
And the hope is deep frozen
Welcome to our emotional tundra
Forever and ever
This will not change
Never mind the summer
Or the heat wave
We conquer the human mind
We have all the answers
Welcome to our pleasant hell
In the north
We are so good here
We do everything right by the book
Here in Hellville
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Scream and Hatred for Breakfast
The scream woke me up
What the hell the voice said
You are so lazy the voice said
Now I go
Confused and tired
I opened my eyes
She hated me
And left me with the children
Watching bad cartoons on TV
Today I started
To contemplate
Suicide as an option
If I don’t get out of here
The grey cold place
That is my so cold home
It’s just that I don’t want to die here
No meaning what so ever
I want to die in the sun
Feeling redemption and hope
But life goes on without meaning
Or purpose
The environment here is slowly
Breaking me down
Piece by piece
Just the writing keeps me going
For a while
